ran out of ink while journaling

Keeping up with blogging and journaling has been such a struggle lately, but I know it’s so important to document all these experiences that I am going to stay up late tonight and get all caught up. I ran out of ink while I was journaling last night – is that a sign that I’m writing way too much?! I hope not. I hope these blogs are still exciting to read and haven’t run out of spunk. The experiences I’m having our definitely still exciting. I do feel my self wearing down a bit though. We work so hard and it is extremely emotionally draining. I have to keep reminding myself to take the time to rest and care for myself in order to best care for the kids. But tonight – I’m not worrying about all that. Tonight I’m catching up. ☺

Yesterdays happenings..

Yesterday was an exciting day for so many reasons. We had a meeting in the morning with the pain management team. A couple of women joined us from a hospital near Jo-burg. One of the women used to be a nurse, but learned about Child Life and taught herself through research and molding her studies around Child Life knowledge. She has been working very hard to start a program in this hospital near Jo-burg, so we all met in hopes of collaborating to bring Child Life to South Africa. It was an awesome meeting with some exciting events. It was also a challenging meeting as we try to decide the best way of bringing CL to South Africa – especially as far as the council and certification issues are concerned. I hope we can come to a conclusion that makes the profession valid here, but is also reasonable and works within the South African social structure.

As part of the meeting, Professor Jenny (the head of the pain management team and the anesthesiologist that has opened the door for us to come) stated that the question is no longer IF Child Life is need here (she said that has been made blatantly obvious to the staff and families) it’s how are we going to make it a sustainable program. She even teared up a bit when she was recanting some of the awesome changes she has seen take place through the guidance of the Child Life team. It was really amazing to sit there as part of a valued team and see our hard work truly appreciated. During this discussion, an announcement was also made of an attempt to keep Caroline on for a full year and provide her with a paid position. Many more tears fell around the circle at that announcement. We have been in a state of limbo – working so hard to bring this program about, but not knowing what will happen when we leave. Knowing Caroline will be able to stay on and provide consistency to this program makes is much easier to leave, trusting that our good work will continue. What an awesome blessing!

There has just been so much support throughout this process. It has been so awesome to witness and be a part of.

Yesterday was also exciting because I was able to do my first medical play session with the blank cloth dolls we often use for such occasions. I got a blanket and sat on the floor in one of the bays with Othathali, Joe and Missy. They love the dolls! They each decorated them on their own (many including nipples and belly buttons, which I don’t usually see at home). Othathali’s dolls even had tears streaming down her face. The kids laughed and played together for quite some time. Missy giggled and giggled the whole time. It was such an awesome moment! I have never seen her that way and it made me so happy. You can tell she was so freed from her environment and circumstances during her play – it’s such a powerful tool! We had a small scrap of bandages I divided into three for the kids. For those of you who don’t know – medical play sessions are intended to by child directed, thus the term play instead of preparation or something else. So I don’t give instructions during these sessions, I’m just present to facilitate while the children freely play. The interesting this was that – totally unprompted by me – each of the kids put the bandages on their doll in the same location they themselves were bandaged. Some even came complete with drawn on wounds. It was such a powerful moment of play. Many people stopped by to observe and comment on the change they were able to see in the kids when they were at play.

Joe was supposed to go to surgery today. We had already done the prep that morning and played with the mask because there is never any notice was to when a child will go to surgery. We waited around most of the day and the time came for us to go home. Joe still hadn’t gone to surgery, but we had to leave. I went to his bed to tell him that I was not going to able to be present when he went to surgery. I gave him a hug and said goodbye. He began to cry (one of those soft cries where the tears stream down the face, but no sound comes out – the ones where you can just feel the sadness). I sat down beside him and he sat on my lap for a while. He was quite and calm in my lap, but I couldn’t hold him much longer, so I put him back in bed and said goodbye. He started crying again. It was such a difficult moment for me. I had to go and we weren’t even sure if or when he would have his surgery. It was so hard to walk away and say goodbye. Later that night I was thinking about the difficulty I had in leaving Joe there. It made me realize just how difficult it’s going to be walk away from all the kids when this time is over. I’m starting now praying for that transition home because honestly it’s kind of scary. I just have to trust that God has a plan for what comes next in my life and that these experiences will have a lasting change in my life.

Last night we had a popcorn and cards night with some o f the girls and then walked down the street for some dessert. It was such a comfortable night. I commented to the girls on how blessed I am to have their friendships here. It has been such and answer to prayer. I love them!


Today was another Wednesday day. ☺ If you don’t remember – those are the ward rounds days. We actually seemed to get the dressings done in record time. It’s so neat to see how far some of the kids have come in their coping skills. The treatments are still painful, but today didn’t seem as rushed - which helps the kids remain more calm and able to utilize their coping skills. One of the social workers was talking about some recent research showing that when kids experience trauma it significantly affects their brain development. Traumatic experiences included those where there was separation from parents and physical pain, etc. The treatment room truly is a traumatic experience for many of these kids – and to think that is affecting their brain development motivates me to be more bold in my advocacy for a comforting and supportive environment.

I had another play session with Othathali, Missy and Joe today. We did an art activity and then attempted to play games. The kids ended up fighting over them, so the playtime quickly ended in hitting, time out and tears. It was kind of stressful, but really fun while it lasted. It’s just so hard for the kids to share here. They have so little that when they are presented with something, it’s difficult for them to give it up. But the play session truly was fun – with lots of giggles from Missy again. The kids like to climb up on my lap when we’re playing together so today I had Othathli and Joe while I was reading a book. It was one of those snapshot moments I try to tuck away in my mind to take home with me.

I’m so incredibly tired. I have to go to bed. Tomorrow is the last day of the workweek, followed by a 4-day weekend! We have so much to cram in to those four days. I can’t believe I will only have 3 weeks left here after that. I have cried numerous times during the day thinking about what it will be like to leave, but I’m trying to live in the moment and truly appreciate each moment and experience I have.