after the last tear falls...

note: there are two posts for today. the other one is actually yesterdays.

It’s quite fitting that this song is what’s playing as I sit down to write my blog tonight. If you’ve never heard it before, you need to download Andrew Petersons “After the Last Tear Falls.” I have a really hard time picking favorites, especially when it comes to music, but this is definitely one of my favorites. Just a taste of the lyrics (note- this is my interpretation of the lyrics. I used to think the song Whoomp There It Is was Whoomp Aid Adidas, so some words may be wrong…):

After the last tear falls
After the last secrets told
After the last bullet tears through flesh and bone

After the last child starves
And the the last girl walks the boulevard
After the last year that’s just too hard
There is love

And in the end is oceans of love and love again
We’ll see how the tears that have fallen were caught in the palms
Of the giver of love and the lover of all
And we’ll look back on these tears as old tears
‘Cause after the last tear falls, there is love.



Today was definitely a day of tears. They started when I walked on the ward. My first job is usually to walk through and write down which kids are in which bay and then help divide the list among Caroline, Taylor and myself. My kids are usually in the last bay, so I had almost finished when I walked into their room. There are only 3 kids left in there now as many have gone home. Missy was one of those. As soon as she saw me, she started to cry for me to come pick her up. How could I refuse?! I greeted her with a good morning hug and a little TLC. I had to put her down though, so I could get some of my morning responsibilities done. She cried, but I put my finger up in my “I’ll be back in a minute” way and she settled down. We’ve developed a bit of a sign language so that we can communicate without speaking the same language. She knows the sign for “all done” now and we use it when she’s done eating. I went about some of my morning duties, but every time I walked by her door, she would start to cry. At one point I was playing a game with another little girl out in the hall and Missy started crying because she could see me through the window. I flashed the “just a minute” sign and she quieted, but she just lay in her bed and stared at me with expectant eyes. I’m pretty worried about her. While she’s starting to show more emotion (which is good), I worry about her attachment. Her parents came to visit this weekend and the other mothers told me she was very cross with them. (note- cross is the word of choice when kids are angry or sad or any similar emotion). They said she wouldn’t talk to any of her family members. I’m sure she doesn’t understand why she’s been isolated in this hospital away from her family. She doesn’t understand that they live far away and the mother has a newborn baby she has to take care of. I’m sure she perceives this as punishment and I’m not good enough at charades or signing with her yet to address her misconceptions. ☺ I’m glad that I can be here to provide a consistent support for Missy. I worry what would have happened before Child Life services were available. The staff are very caring, they’re just so short staffed it’s difficult to provide all the care these kids need. Missy needs love an attention, but I know that I can’t provide all she needs. So, I give what I can when I’m there and try to remember that there are oceans and oceans of love available for Missy and pray that she will feel the waves of that all throughout her life.

I accompanied Missy to theatre today. Again, I have to brag about the surgery team here. Missy cried when I tried to put her on the stretcher, so I was allowed to carry her to surgery and hold her on my lap while she got the anesthesia. She was calm the whole time. What could potentially be very stressful for her wasn’t stressful at all.

Othathali (it’s really hard to make up African names, but that one’s for you Caro) on other hand was a very different story. She was burned about a year ago and after an extremely long hospitalization has had to return to the hospital for numerous surgeries to help wounds heal, as well as reconstructive surgeries to minimize the scars which cover her body. Othathali has spunk, though! She is feisty and funny and always getting into trouble. She’s probably about 5 or 6. She’s very brave when it comes to dressing changes, but the one thing that scares her more than anything is theatre. Guess what today was? Theatre day for Othathali. I tried to prep her with the mask and the prep book. She looked through the book, but would have nothing to do with the mask. She would watch as other kids played with it, but refused to touch it herself. When they came to get Othathali for surgery she cried and cried. Her mother carried her and I was able to briefly distract her, but as we got closer to theatre she became more and more anxious. One of my favorite anesthesiologist was her doctor today, so we began brainstorming what would be best to ease Othathali’s anxiety. She asked how the prep went and I told her about the fear of the mask. Othathali also reported that the lights scared her. The anesthesiologist prepped the room for Othathali, moving away the big lights and turning all the lights down. She turned on music and had everyone leave, except those directly involved with the sedation (there are usually a lot members from the burn team present). Othathali’s mom was given a chance to talk to her, then she was slowly brought into the room. She sat on her mother’s lap and while she cried, she remained still. The anesthesiologist slowly brought the mask forward, allowing Othathali choices when she could (she was so comforting!). Othathali cried, but she didn’t refuse the mask. It was much smoother than any of us expected. Her mother said in the past she had to be held down and the mask forced on her face (I wonder where her fear comes from!). While Othathali’s sedation was still stressful for her, I’m hopeful that with the help of a supportive staff, she will continue to overcome her fears. I could tell her mother was stressed, so I spoke with her afterwards. She told me Othathali has just gone through so much medically, that she can’t really say anything to make things better. I validated her feelings and assured her that while those negative experiences obviously have had an affect on Othathali, we will continue to work with her and give her opportunity to master those fears. I couldn’t help but wonder, however, what it would have been like if Othathali would have had Child Life available from the beginning of her hospitalization. If she would have been prepped for the first surgery, would she still be so afraid of the masks or the lights. If she’d mastered her fears with medical play, would it still create so much anxiety in her to walk the halls to the theatre. The answer may very well be yes, but I can’t help but wonder. We haven’t given up on Othathali, though. She’s coming back in on Friday for another surgery. They are going to try a different pre-med to help her rest before her surgery. I’m trying to come up with new medical play ideas and preps to assist her in overcoming her fears. Hopefully together we can empower Othathali to cope with her fears! After Othathli’s surgery, she was very weepy waking up in the recovery room. The anesthesiologist allowed the mom to come back to help assist in the wake up process – another amazing example of family centered care!

There were more tears throughout the day. I often just follow the sound of crying to take me through my day. The hard part is tearing yourself away to comfort another child. I can’t help but thinking about that song I mentioned – after the last tear falls is oceans of love. Can you picture that? I’ve had the opportunity to spend some time at the ocean this last week – it’s vast! It’s deep! It’s powerful! I just want to throw these kids into that ocean of love and have them engulfed in it. I have a lot of love in me, but I’m pretty sure it wouldn’t fill an ocean! But I give the trickle of love I have and pray that God will provide the ocean.

I have to leave for work at 6:30 tomorrow for the infamously exhausting dressing day, so I need to sign off, but wanted to include a couple neat conversations before I did…

The other day Caroline was accompanying a small boy to theatre. He’d been given a premed that caused him to sleep, but his surgery ended up being delayed until later that day. He woke up right before surgery and Caroline encouraged the mother to hold him. He went right back to sleep. He stayed calm and restful while the anesthesia was induced and everything went smoothly – seems like no big deal, right? Well Prof (the head burn doc) wanted to know when he’d received his premed. No one knew, so he made Caroline go find out. Caroline wasn’t really sure why he wanted to know, but she went to find out for him. She reported the time back to him and he said – See! The premed wore off a long time ago. This is because of you! He is calm because of you. ☺ It was a huge compliment…especially since Prof was admittedly uncertain about our presence here in the first place.

This afternoon I was also able to report back the progress I’ve seen in Larry since we began our work with him. I’m getting so confused with these made up names- but Larry is the one that was so weak, but now is sitting up playing and had the huge break through of singing bye-bye to me the other day. I was able to hold him for the first time yesterday. When I picked him up, all I could feel were ribs on his front and back. He laid his head against me and I sang to him. He continued the moaning that he so often does, but every now and then his moaning would match my song and he would sing a long for a while. He also explored my skin with his fingers. I’ve mentioned how tactile he is and as I held him, his fingers traced my face and up and down my neck and arms. He would sit up every now and then, but then rest his head against me and take a deep sigh and rest. It was an awesome intervention. Today I went back and he was sitting up in a chair eating his lunch. His mom was there and I think he might be going home soon. Anyway, I was talking to Dr. Jenny about this (the head of the pain management team that helped to bring us here). She was so pleased with his progress and complimented me on my role in that. I thanked her, but told her I wasn’t sure I had anything to do with it. She said that we too often don’t take credit for our work – that the impact we have had here is so great, that our presence is impacting these patients.

So to my Child Life friends – allow yourselves to accept the impact you have in the lives of the kids you serve today. The work you do is so great! Until you see what it’s like without you – you don't fully understand the magnitude of your work, but take it from me. It’s powerful! While the focus is on healing the children’s bodies, don’t underestimate the impact you have in healing their spirits!

And to all my other friends – may you be engulfed in an ocean of love today, and as you feel that love be able to spread it to the lives of others. Just image how wonderful this world would be if each person was allowed to swim in that love!

inadequacy

This post is actually for yesterday, 30 March. My internet wasn't working so I was unable to post it then. Sorry to all of those who were disappointed by that (namely Mom and Erin!).

Today I was walking in a state of inadequacy. I felt insignificant and ineffective. The dressing changes these children endure daily are extremely painful. I’m not sure how to put it into descriptive enough words for you to understand. I myself don’t know first hand. The best I can even try to relate is when people touch a really sore sunburn, but I know the pain is far worse in these burns. I’m not sure if I’ve described what is entailed in burn dressing change for everyone, so I will just give a brief description of treatments here. First the children are brought back to the treatment room and their old bandages are removed. This in and of it self can be very painful as the old dressings often stick to the wounds and have to be peeled away. The children are then sprayed with water to wash their bodies and begin debridement of the wounds. The next step is to debride using cotton 4x4s. Essentially the dead skin is wiped away. Not only is the painful, it’s often very scary to watch. It’s good when blood is present because the skin is beginning to heal, but that’s difficult for kids to remember when they’re looking at frightening wounds. After debridement, new medicines and dressings are placed on the wounds. These dressings vary in function and the effects they have on kids. Some burn or sting, others are itchy, and some are actually soothing. Finally the children are wrapped back up in bandages and returned to their room – only to repeat the process the next day. Needless to say, this is an extremely painful process. The really deep burns don’t hurt as much because the nerves have been damaged, but as the skin heals it becomes more painful. In the burn unit I work on in the US the children are consciously sedated for these procedures. They’re usually given an IV pain medication that helps them relax and not feel as much, as well as a medication that helps them forget what is happening. I’m not exactly sure what medications the children here receive, but I know they are oral – they are not very sedated and feel much of these procedures. My whole point in explaining this is that I often feel totally inadequate here in helping these children cope with their pain –it would be pushing my coping limits if I were in their place. The treatment room becomes a room of torture and children cry just from stepping in the room. Often times I find that the best I can do is offer a hand to squeeze or a reassuring comment and reminder to breathe. Much of my work comes after the treatment in helping children calm quickly and return to a safe environment. I just wish there was something more I could do to help ease the pain and facilitate coping.

I returned home from work feeling like there was so much more I should be doing to help these children, but not really sure what that was. When I got back I was greeted by an e.mail from my sister, Erin. I’m going to include that e.mail in my blog because the words she shared were exactly what I needed tonight. It’s kind of long, but please read it because the words I think will have meaning in your life as well.

Erin's E.mail:

"Okay, here is my sermonette for the day. This is in no way to diminish that God has great things for you to do. The purpose is to take joy in what you might consider the small means that you are doing, because God can use those small things to make great things happen.

Alma 17:35
…but behold I say unto you, that by small and simple things, are great things brought to pass; and small means in many instances, doth confound the wise.

36And the Lord God doth work by means to bring about his great and eternal purposes; and by very small means the Lord doth confound the wise, and bringeth about the salvation of many souls.

Isn’t this scripture awesome! Is there a coincidence that the context of the scripture is talking about the purpose in writing down their testimony? They were just regular people writing the spiritual record of their people. Many times they even say how inadequate they feel in their writing. Could they have had any clue to the extent that it would be published and read today? I know that you blog is touching many hearts and that you have a wide array of friends reading. As you said in your blog, who can imagine the awesome ways God could use your blog!

Talking of the Liahona…
Alma 17:73And behold, it was prepared to shew unto our fathers the course which they should travel in the wilderness; and it did work for them according to their faith in God;

74Therefore if they had faith to believe that God could cause that those spindles should point the way they should go, behold, it was done; therefore they had this miracle, and also many other miracles wrought by the power of God, day by day;

75Nevertheless, because those miracles were worked by small means, it did shew unto them marvelous works.

79For behold, it is as easy to give heed to the word of Christ, which will point to you a straight course to eternal bliss, as it was for our fathers to give heed to this compass, which would point unto them a straight course, to the promised land.

80And now I say, Is there not a type in this thing? For just as surely as this director did bring our fathers, by following its course, to the promised land, shall the words of Christ, if we follow their course, carry us beyond this vale of sorrow, into a far better land of promise.

This scripture says that it is as easy to heed words of Christ as for forefathers to follow a compass. I think he is saying that they just had to believe the Liahona would work and it did. I know that you are heeding the words of Christ and seeking his Spirit for guidance. Something that might seem so small. But look at the promise. “Shall the words of Christ, if we follow their course, carry us beyond this vale of sorrow, into a far better land of promise!" You don’t need to worry about the end game or how God is going to use you. Continue to follow Him and He will point you in a straight course. He will take care of preparing the land of promise and the manifestations of how He will use you in His work. In summation, "by very small means the Lord bringeth about the salvation of many souls, by small and simple things, are great things brought to pass."

I know your small hugs, rocking, singing and playing are a HUGE blessing to those children that you touch everyday. Rejoice in the small ways that God is using you to touch people and pray for the big ways that your seed will grow. I know that as you remain prayerful God will use all of you for the full extent of His purposes. I love you!"

That's the end of Erin's e.mail...


Isn’t it amazing how God knows exactly what we’ll need in the time we need it. This was exactly what I needed today. That has happened so often on this trip – whether a card from a friend (I got yours today, Ditter!), a call from a home, a chat on facebook, a message in my journal – God is using so many people to bring encouragement to me. One of my friends often says that he would rather be helped by a person than an angel, because that means that God’s people are still responding to His movement in their lives to reach out to others. So thanks to each of my for listening to the promptings of the Spirit and blessing my life in so many ways! I love you.

I'm encouraged to go and continue in the small ways, praying that God will use those to bring big blessings.

P.S. I also wanted to send a shout out to Nana. I heard you walked down to the computer at the Groves just to check my blog. That meant so much to me!! I miss you – TV is not nearly the same in SA. ☺

sunday, sunday

After such and eventful Saturday, my Sunday turned out to be very relaxing and low key so that I could recuperate for the work week ahead. I was supposed go with some girls to a church in one of the townships, but that fell through so I went back to Hillsong. My roommate Elizabeth went ahead early and Mwaka wasn’t going today, so I was on my own to get to church. I hate spending the money on a cab if the place is in any sort of walking distance, so I decided to trek out on my own to find church. I’ve walked home from church before, but never to church and never alone. I memorized the map in my head and started my walk – it’s probably a couple miles. I found my way perfectly and walked the whole way without anxiety or fear. Part of that is probably me getting used to the city, but I think much of it comes from the prayer I’ve been praying for God to fill my heart with love for all the people of this country, including those I pass by on the streets. Because “perfect love casts out all fear,” I feel like my anxieties are gone and I have love in my heart and an assurance of protection from someone far greater than me. What a blessing.

I ended up spending the afternoon on the roof, reading and catching up on journal time. The comment from Caroline in my journal today was, “Eye hat not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him.” I Corinthians 2:9. I have a pretty big imagination, so to think that God has prepared something greater for me than I can imagine is mind-boggling! I feel like I’ve accomplished some of what I imagined for myself on this trip, but I know that what God has planned for me is far greater and I pray that I will be open to His revelation of that to me that I might be able to accomplished the great things He has in mind. The next verse of that scripture goes on to say, “But God hath revealed them unto us by His Spirit.” I pray that my heart would be open to that revelation.

Our 2 new additions to the Child Life team join us this week and I am so excited for that! Hopefully we’ll be able be inspired by fresh team members and expand and improve our services throughout the hospital. Speaking of which – I forgot to mention something that happened the other day and wanted to include it before I forgot. The head burn surgeon was talking with Caroline the other day and told her that at first he wasn’t sure what to think about us coming in and providing services he didn’t really deem necessary. However, after he has seen the affect it has had on the kids – especially in surgery, he is a big supporter of Child Life. In his own words – “there’s no more of that crying and carrying on” in the operating room. ☺ How great to have that affirmation.

I got a chance to talk to my friend Caroline from home tonight. What a blessing to hear a familiar voice. ☺ I am so appreciative of the support she has been for me on this trip. She has challenged me every step of the way to truly accomplish great things here and I am so thankful for that. In our discussion she asked me to pray for some things in her life, stating that she knew I had lots of other things to pray about here. I wanted to make sure you all knew that while you are praying for me – I have not forgotten to continue in my prayers for you. Even though I’m far away, I daily remember you and your needs and pray that God’s blessing will be upon you.

I love you!

if the rest of this year is anything like my birthday...

Today is my “golden” birthday. For those of you who don’t know, that means I turned 28 on the 28th. While my birthday has never really been a huge deal to me, I was a little nervous before coming on this trip that I would be here for my birthday. I pictured myself in some little café ordering a cupcake and signing Happy Birthday to myself. That would have been awesome in and of it self – I mean who spends their birthday in Cape Town, South Africa! Well… a lot of people do, especially the ones that live here, but you get my point.

Originally there was a possibility we would be painting a school in one of the townships, but that got canceled. I was pretty bummed about that, so imagine my surprise when today was the best birthday ever!! I started off the day by celebrating 28s. I took 28 flights of stairs, ran on the treadmill for 28 minutes and then rode the stationary bike for 28 more. I tried to think of all the other 28 things I could do, but 28 bottles of water sounded like a bit much and 28 phone calls home would have been too expensive, so the 28s ended there.

My friends and I met for breakfast to plan out the rest of our time here in Cape Town. After breakfast they asked what I wanted to do for my birthday, hinting that our evening plans had already been made, but that the afternoon was open. We decided on a relaxing day at the beach since I hadn’t done that yet. It was a beautiful day. We laid around on the beach, reading and talking and just enjoying the lazy afternoon. Then we headed back home. I was instructed on what to wear and told to meet back down in the lobby in a few hours. I ended up chatting with a friend from home, so I rushed to get ready in about 15 minutes, just barely getting the sand rinsed off my legs. My friend had called a taxi and told the driver were to take us without giving me any idea. I think the taxi driver took us a backwards route to try to throw me off – little did he know I have no sense of direction in Cape Town, so it was no use. (p.s. he was not scamming us – the price was the same as usual. ☺) On our way there they asked me what I thought they were surprising me with. I explained that I’m pretty hard to surprise – I usually make up such lavish surprises that when the real ones come, I’ve already thought of them. I told them that I’d tossed around the idea of someone from the US coming to surprise me … or maybe even some celebrities joining us to celebrate my big day. They thought that was pretty funny and said they hoped I wasn't disappointed.

We ended up down at the waterfront and walked along the water by all the sailboats. At the end of the row, we stopped in front of a boat. My friends had arranged for a sunset sail in the bay on a cute little sailboat. How perfect!! We had a few minutes to mill around before time to leave, so we walked up and down the water. As we were walking, I saw a man with an earpiece talking into his sleeve. I thought that was odd and looked up to see another one a few feet in front of us. I brought it to the attention of my friends who looked around to see who could possible be that important. Tami spotted Matt Damon in a group of people and tried to point him out. I assured her it wasn’t Matt Damon. We could only see his back, but I was sure it wasn’t him. Then, he turned – totally Matt Damon! Right there in front of us. He’s shooting a movie in Cape Town. I never thought I would be so star struck in a situation like that, but I totally was. We tried to shoot some nonchalant photos, but were blocked by his body guards. We had to walk back by him to get on our boat and the body guards followed us. I know – we look like shady characters. ☺ We still couldn’t get a picture, so we decided to get on the boat. He sat down at a table on the water for dinner and we climbed aboard our adorable sailboat with the cutest old man captain. From our seats on the boat, we had a direct view of Mr. Damon. He looked over at us and we waved. I yelled out – “It’s my birthday!” He said. “Happy Birthday!!” We giggled and smiled and acted like totally idiots. ☺ He let us take some pictures of him and even smiled for the camera. He was very nice. Then as we were about to pull away he looked at us again, smiled, waved and said, “Have a happy birthday!” Caroline says he also said “You look smashing” but Tami and I were a little to excited to notice. We told him to have a great dinner and waved as we drove away. Caroline insisted that he said “You look smashing.” I said he probably said, “You look smashed” because it took me a while to get my sea legs under me and I ended up a bit sea sick, but she’s pretty confident, so we’ll go with what she said. ☺ Anyway…I guess they did surprise me with my celebrity appearance after all. Needless to say, we were pretty excited. I’m sure Matt Damon will remember my birthday for many years to come. ☺

The boat ride was perfect. No one else had bought tickets for the night, so it was like we’d chartered the sailboat for ourselves. There were beautiful views of the city and Table Mountain and we watched the sun set over the ocean. The girls had brought some snacks and even some sparkling grape juice for me. ☺ The waves were huge, so there was quite a bit of rocking and I was just thankful I didn’t topple over the side of the boat. It was my first time on the ocean in a sailboat and I didn’t quite master the skill of walking without having to lunge out and catch myself on ropes and cables along the way. I started to get a little seasick at the end of the journey, so spent the last few moments concentrating on not throwing up, but I loved the experience and the company so much!!

After the sailboat ride, the fun wasn’t over yet. We headed back in to town and ate supper at an Addis in Cape, a wonderful Ethiopian restaurant. We ate with our hands and had a great time. They brought out these long flaming ropes and sang happy birthday to me. I even get a free Addis shirt out of the deal! It really was the perfect night.

I had my first day at the beach, my first sailboat ride on the ocean, my first Ethiopian food…not to mention my first encounter with Matt Damon. But the best part of the day was my wonderful friends that took the time to make this day so special. As many of you remember, I was so nervous to come here and not know anyone. One of my prayers was to make good friends and as always in my life I have been abundantly blessed! Throughout my life, God has continually blessed me with the gift of wonderful friends and this place has been no different. I know I don’t deserve the love I receive, but I am so grateful for it. I can’t thank Tami, Theresse, and Caroline for caring enough for making my 28th birthday the best ever! I love you!!

Thank you as well to all my friends who wished me a happy birthday from far away. Along this trip I have been continually reminded of how much I appreciate my friends at home. I have traveled half way around the world and have officially decided that you are the best. I am by nature a very shy person, and I remember when I was younger specifically praying for the gift of friendship in my life. I have received abundantly in response to that prayer. As I look around at the different friends given to me at different time of my life – whether high school, college, grad school, work. church, and now Cape Town – I am humbled by the love you show to me. What wisdom God has in placing people in our lives in the moments we will need them.

I also received a call from my mom and dad tonight. This trip has also given me an even deeper appreciate for my family. When I came on this trip one of the most common questions people asked was – what does your family think about this? Are they okay with you going? At first I was surprised by this question. Of course they are okay with my going. They are my biggest encouragers and number one fans! It never crossed my mind that they would be hesitant about my leaving. I am so thankful for a family that supports me, prays for me, encourages me to dream big, and assists me in following through with those dreams. I love that you read my blog every day and that you share in this adventure as if you were here. I am so humbled that I was allowed the opportunity to be placed in such a loving family. I love you all!

So…happy birthday to me. If my birthday is any indication of what this year will be like – I am so excited for the adventure!

theatre day

Today was theatre for many of the kids I was working with. One little 8 year old was particularly anxious about surgery. I got there just as she was going back, so I kind of walked behind her showing her pictures and letting her play with the mask. She mostly just laid in her mom’s arms and cried, though. We had some time outside of theatre and I let her hold the mask. She didn’t keep it very long, but at least she was able to become familiar. She speaks limited English, so it was difficult to provide comfort, but we blew bubbles and that calmed her for some time. She like my glitter wand, too so I let her hold on to that (when she woke up, that's what she remembered and asked for me to bring it right away). I know I’ve mentioned this before, but the surgical team is just amazing here. They gave her something to decrease her anxiety and when she had calmed, had her mother carry her into the operating room. Her mother held her while the anesthesiologist administered the gas. She was a little anxious about the mask, so the doctor put it on mom and then the girl’s arm, then forehead, then cheek and finally mouth. By that time she was pretty comfortable. It’s so wonderful to see that kind of care and willingness to work at the child’s pace. I walked mom out when we were done and saw her crying. I gave her a hug and praised her for the support she provided for her daughter. It was such a comforting environment – truly family centered care at it’s best!

I also accompanied Missy to theatre today. She wanted me to carry her, so I took her from her room and she clung to me as we walked to theatre. I showed her the picture of the operating room so she would know where we were going. I also let her carry the mask. She placed it willingly over her mouth, showing that she remembered it's purpose as was comfortable with its use. I held her in my arms as she hugged me and they administered the mask. She rested so peacefully.

I also had quite a few very active kids in my bay today. We did some group medical play with a doctor’s kit and traced each others hands with crayons. Many of them had burns on their hand, so it was a nice therapeutic activity – both for touch and for normalization. You could just see a craving in these children for attention and play. Many of them are without parents in the hospital and some are from the streets. It’s so great to see those needs fulfilled while they are here.

There is such a need for community education; both for burn prevention as well as reentry into society for burn survivors. That is something we foresee addressing in the future, but we have to take things one step at a time. It is so neat to watch this program grow and develop and to dream about where it will be able to go from here.

Tomorrow is my “golden” birthday. I was hoping to spend it painting a school in one of the townships, but that plan fell through. I guess just being in Cape Town will have to be cool enough. ☺ I’m so thankful to have friends here to celebrate with, and am thankful for all of you at home who have sent wishes and I know are celebrating from a world away! ☺ Love to you all.

magic moments

My back was really hurting last night. When I’m not holding kids at work, I’m bent over the dressing room table. I got up in the middle of the night and when I bent to pick something up, I could tell there was something wrong. Normally that’s something I would be administered to for, but I’m in the middle of South Africa, so I prayed that God would use that same power to heal my back. I got up this morning and was totally fine. I ate a fabulous mango and was energized and ready for work. I lifted kids all day and didn’t notice my back once. Praise God!

Today was a day of magic moments. The first started off with a little (maybe 6 year old?) boy named “Louie.” (You can tell I’m making all these names up because the real names are much more African and exciting). Louie has severe delays. I’m not exactly sure what all his underlying conditions are, but I know he has frequent seizures that have affected his a ability to function. He is nonverbal and often moans and rocks in his crib. Louie is what I would call the “forgotten child” on the unit. It happens in the US as well as Africa and I am just as guilty as the next person, so I am in no way passing judgment. We often shy away from situations that make us feel uncomfortable or that challenge us to work in areas we may feel inadequate. Knowing that fear within me, I have tried in the last year to become more educated and capable in working with all children, especially those similar to Louie. So today I picked Louie to be on my case load and I was determined to help others (as well as myself) see him more clearly. When I walked into Louie’s room, he was rocking and moaning. I gowned myself up in plastic and covered the rest of me in a blanket to protect myself and the other kids from the pretty bad infection he is fighting. I cradled Louie in my arms and rocked him and sang in his ear. His body was stiff and he moaned for a little bit, but soon I felt him relax and the moaning stopped. He took a few deep breathes and then cuddled himself into my arms. I continued singing and soon he fell asleep. He was more restful than I had seen him, especially during his wakeful moments. It was such a magical moment. I even cried a little as I was holding him and looked at his peaceful face. I was sweating from my elbows with all the layers, but I held him for some time. I was thinking as I held him how much God loves each of the kids on that ward equally and it challenged me in my heart to do the same. Louie cried for a while when I put him back in his bed. That’s the hardest part about being here is leaving the kids every time I have to step away. I know it’s going to be even harder when it comes time for me to leave for good. ☹

My other magic moment occurred today with Molly. We have been bonding quite well, but she still displays such a flat affect. Today her brother Joe came back to the ward for a follow up visit. He has been moved to a medical home where many of the kids transition when their burns allow. He looked awesome! It was so great to see him happy and smiling. I asked Joe if he wanted to visit Missy and he followed me to her bed. She was playing with a book, but when she saw him her face lit up. She smiled and even laughed! It was the first time I’ve seen her personality since she got here. They played together for quite some time. Joe was so attentive and tried hard to make her smile and laugh and to lead her in play activities. At one point they started talking about their burns. I don’t know what they were saying, but Joe pulled up his shorts and showed Missy his donor sites. She started touching her bandages and he touched them too. I became quite tearful again as I witnessed this magic moment. It was such a huge difference from their first reunion I blogged about earlier. I stepped out and watched them from the door because they seemed to talk more when I wasn’t right by them – even though I had no idea what they were saying anyway. ☺ They laughed and talked. It was wonderful. It came time for Joe to leave and I knew the transition would be difficult. Joe said bye and Missy waved back at him. When I came back from dropping Joe off, I could hear Missy crying. I went to see what was wrong and one of the other dads was putting her back in her crib. (That’s one really neat thing about the bays – there is a really tight knit feel of community. The parents become very close and often support each other and their kids.) He said that he looked over and he thought she was about to fall off her chair. He wasn’t sure why, but I think she was probably trying to follow Joe and I out the door. I took some blocks to her for play, but I could tell she was mad – even though her affect was pretty flat again. I stacked the blocks and she would knock them down. It wasn’t in a playful way, but in a very cathartic, angry way. Soon she started throwing the blocks. I allowed her to continue with her angry play, glad she could have an outlet for the emotions she so often represses. It’s so hard not to be able to communicate with her. I’m guessing she sees her time in the hospital as punishment and I fear she thinks she’s been abandoned here. I tried to walk away from play, but she became so upset that I stayed for a while. I’m so happy for her joyful moment today, but it saddens me to see the pain that followed. During her dressing later that afternoon she kept yelling for her brother. I’m sure she thought he was still there and would be able to come save her.

I can’t believe tomorrow if Friday, the end of another week. Usually that’s exciting news, but I feel like my time is going too quickly. I’m prayerful that I’m accomplishing all I was sent here to accomplish and am so thankful for each of you for your support and encouragement in that.

too exhausted for words

I’m too exhausted to blog efficiently tonight, but don’t want to get behind because it will be hard to catch up. As I’ve mentioned before, Wednesdays are ward round days, so all the kids’ dressing are opened, they’re wrapped in plastic wrap and covered in a sterile towel, returned to their beds, wait for the medical team to assess them and then returned to the dressing rooms to have their bandages replaced. We got there at 7 am this morning and the goal is have all the kids opened by 8. There were about 18 inpatient kids and 11 oupatients. That’s 29 kids for a total of 58 procedures. That doesn’t include the blood draws that often occur in the other treatment rooms. I thought I knew what busy days were from my time on the burn unit at home, but nothing compares to this. Caroline and I were the only ones there today, so we split those procedures between us, with Caroline doing the majority as I tagged along on ward rounds. The nurses often take a tea break in the morning and then lunch around noontime, so it’s very much a speed up, slow down kind of day. Needless to say we were both exhausted and I honestly don’t remember the majority of my day.

I do remember a few things…

* Missy did both art therapy and music therapy and seemed to love them both, but her affect still remains pretty flat. They do have art therapist and music therapists here are a part time basis. It has a very positive effect on the ward. They also have clowns that visit a couple times a week. The other day, one touched me with her foot (I put that in for you Caroline - you would have freaked!).

* Larry sang “Hello” to me this time. ☺ He was sitting up in his bed and looked so much more engaged today. He is doing so much better!

That’s about all I can remember. Sorry. Good night. ☺

shout out

My friend Dana requested a shout out on my blog....so here's to you Dana!! Thanks for chatting with me today. PS. Mow the lawn. :)

Also, keep forgetting to tell you all that fanny does not mean the same thing in SA as it does in the US. The whole idea I suggested about us wearing fanny packs to tote our stuff around - could have been awkward! :)

Warning: this girl CAN be too much fun! :)

Taylor was sick today, so Caroline and I divided the busy unit. Tuesday mornings are also when Caroline has the Pain Management team meeting, so I did dressing changes most of the morning. The sisters loved the CD I made for the treatment room. It was actually pretty cheesy because it was limited to what I had on my i-tunes, everything from instrumental to Rainbow Connection. One sister asked if I would be able to leave the CD after I go back because it created such a calming environment. I assured them that I had made the CD for them. They were very pleased.

We had some victorious moments this morning. I was doing a dressing with one little baby boy. He was very squirmy and very fussy. Finally after all but one of his hands was bandaged, I asked the sisters if I could pick him up. I was picking him up as I asked. The sister was concerned that he wouldn’t hold still and that I was too tall. So, I did a deep knee bend and he held perfectly still. It was perfect. She commented on her surprise at how cooperative he was in that position. My thighs were burning, but it was worth it for our first comfort hold! I know it’s a small one, but every step gets us closer. It felt like a big victory to me. Later that day, Caroline was able to comfort hold for an NG placement, with much pleasure from the sisters, so we’re making steps. It’s actually pretty hard to comfort hold in the treatment room because the kids are on more of a tub/table than a treatment table. They get washed and have their new bandage on all on the same table. So, to climb up and comfort hold, like we do at home, would result in soaking wet pants for the rest of the day. We’ll do the best we can. ☺

We also had our first official playgroup today. It was a huge success in my book. We did syringe painting and the kids loved it! Only two actually participated, but others watched and the parents really enjoyed it. I think it was good for the staff to see as well. Unfortunately one little 2 year old girl may have had too much fun. I introduced myself to her earlier that morning and she seemed pretty leery of me. She didn’t want to engage very much. However, as soon as I walked away she started crying, so I went back and picked her up. After I gave her a while to warm up, we spent the morning looking at books, laughing and talking (once again, we don’t understand each other ☺). One of the other mothers told me I would have to stay the night because this little girl didn’t like anyone, but her mom and dad. She told me I was the first one for her to like. She was attached to her feeding tube, which here means the kids are limited to their beds because they don’t have IV poles. One of the sisters was happy to unhook her, however so she could go to play group. When we got down there, she had a blast and made a mess! It was great. She made three pictures and played with the ball. She would come back to sit on my lap every now and then, but she played and played. It finally came time for me to take her back to her room. Sad times. She screamed and kick and hollered – throwing the biggest tantrum I’d ever seen. I’m usually pretty calm and can outlast most tantrums, but this was the record. I sat with her for at least 30 minutes calmly trying to help her calm and she just wailed and wailed. At one point I had to blow some bubbles…not for her sake, but to calm myself. ☺ The other moms were looking at me like – what did you do?! I felt horrible, but I knew if I took her back to the playroom we’d have to go through this all over again. It literally felt like I was breaking that spirit that we’d taken all morning to rebuild. I think she probably thought if she went back in bed she’d never get to come out again. I finally just had to put her in her crib and walk away. It took a bit, but she eventually calmed herself. I’m hoping that providing another play opportunity tomorrow will help her realize that this will be a consistent option and she won’t have to respond the same. We’ll see what happens.

I thought my day was going to end on that note, so I was a little bummed, but at the last minute I decided to stop in and see the little boy I’ve been working with on one of the other floors. Have I assigned him a name yet? Let’s call him “Larry.” Larry is the 4 year old boy who is so weak and small and my big goal has been just eye contact. Well, today I went to see Larry, just wanting him to see my face, so I could stay a familiar, safe person. When I got there he had just finished physio, so he was laying in bed moaning. I sat next to him and started reading from this African Tales book we bought. It’s the rhyming one with the nice rhythm. I’m still not sure what language he speaks, but the kids seem to like the book. He continued moaning, but I could tell he was following the pictures with his eyes. By the second story, the moaning had softened and slowed a bit. I had only planned to pop in and out because it was time for me to go, but I decided to do a bit more and began singing Old MacDonald. I had some rubber animals with me, so I would hold them up and make the noises while I was singing. Larry lifted his little hand barely off the bed and waved it around as if he was conducting my music. It was awesome! He maintained eye contact with me during the whole song. It wasn’t even that looking through me eye contact; it was true contact! After the song I decided I really had to go, so I transitioned with a goodbye Larry song. I figured it could be his cue for me to leave after our daily meetings. I sang, “Goodbye Larry. Goodbye Larry. Goodbye Larry. I’ll see you again real soon.” (I know my sister is probably totally irritated that I said “real” soon, but "really" didn’t fit.) I repeated the song inserting Cara instead. He seemed to be mimicking the shapes of my mouth, so I repeated the whole thing. By the time I got to goodbye Cara the second time, I thought I heard him singing with me. I sang “bye-bye.” He mimicked “bye-bye” in a singsong voice. I almost peed my pants! We sang bye-bye back and forth for quite some time. I hated leaving during such a highlight moment, but I had to go. As I was walking out one of the doctors stopped me and asked, “Was that him singing that?” I told her it was and she said that was a HUGE breakthrough! Yes!!! Patience and perseverance does pay off. I’ve been praying for Larry (and each of the kids I work with), that I might have wisdom in my interventions with them. I feel like I was guided in that one today. God is good!

Caroline and I were reviewing the successes of the program as we rode the bus home this afternoon. I got a little teary eyed thinking about having to leave it in the not so distant future. It has been such a wonderful experience and I feel so blessed!

Day of Play

Happy Child Life Week my CL friends!! I hope you’re having a great time celebrating and feeling appreciated at home. Please package up our free lunch for me, label it and keep it in the fridge until I get home. I don’t want to miss out on that goodness! ☺ You really are amazing at what you do. I know sometimes you feel misunderstood or under appreciated, but having seen what it’s like without you around I appreciate more than ever the work that you do. Don’t let yourself get caught up in the mundane. Really use this week to remember what you do and why you do it. So many people have been telling me that portions of this blog have moved them to tears, but the funny thing is – each of you is impacting lives in the exact same way, just in a different area of the world. Take a moment today and really appreciate yourself and the powerful way you impact the lives of kids – you’ll inspire yourself! ☺

Today was another good day. I learned a lot about myself as a CLS. I only had three kids assigned to me this morning. Some of the kids had gone home, and with 3 of us working on one unit, sometimes the distribution makes numbers sparse. I’m also working mostly with the kids in the isolation bay, so I try not to mingle too much with the other kids. Anyway, you would think with only 3 kids I might have the opportunity to feel bored or think there was nothing to do (probably a typical response when I’m at home), but here I feel like I have to take advantage of every moment I’m here, so I had plenty of time to do some very quality interventions with the three kids I had.

I fed and played with a little baby for quite some time this morning. She 8 months old, but looks about 2 or 3 months, so we were able to work on all sorts of developmental fun. She worked on holding her head up, grasping rattles, babbling, waving, clapping (with lots of assistance), and she thoroughly enjoyed the awe and wonder of peek-a-boo. She even tried to cover her face with the blanket a few times, but wasn’t strong enough to get it there. ☺ It’s amazing to see the progress she has been able to make in the last few weeks with good medical care and some quality stimulation and TLC.

"Missy" and I read books most of the morning. She speaks Afrikaans, so I know she doesn’t know what I’m saying, but the rhythm of the stories was melodic, so she stayed attentive for a long time. She looked at all the pictures and I hope just being able to hear my voice was soothing. After reading, I held her until she fell asleep.

Both those examples of what I did today I know seem very simple, but it’s amazing to see the power behind those simple acts. Slowly, but surely theses kids are responding and making positive improvements based on these interventions. So once again CL friends, don’t sell yourselves short!

Later in the morning we ended up having a spontaneous playgroup. A lot of kids ended up in this long room with windows next to the bays. They were playing games, kicking balls, laughing and moving in ways I hadn’t seem the willingly move in a long time. Play is such a powerful tool, especially group play. I think it’s interesting to see how these kids can lie next to each other in their rooms and see each other’s wounds, yet not truly relate or begin to form bonds until they have the opportunity to play. That’s when they feel accepted. That’s when they get the chance to feel normal. It’s awesome. Tomorrow we’re planning our first official scheduled playgroup. It’s been one of my goals since I came here and tomorrow it will happen! We’re even going to try and see if part of the long window room can be converted into our official play area. We went shopping for group supplies today after work. I’m so excited! I know it’s weird – when is the last time I got this excited for playgroup?! ☺ But that’s the point I’ve been trying to make all along. Being here helps me see what a huge difference the things we do on a daily basis have on the kids. Because of that new vision, my role becomes less of a job and more of an opportunity. I’m not doing things because I have to anymore, I’m doing them because I want to and because I can see the difference they make in the response the kids have to hospitalization. No longer am I doing bedside play because I need to get a certain quota in during the day, I’m doing it because I can see the healing and therapeutic power it has for these kids. I really hope that this new vision remains with me when I go home – you all can keep me accountable! ☺

Well, that’s all my ramblings for the day. I’ll step off my soapbox and go make a CD for the treatment room. The other day one of the sister’s turned on the radio for the treatments, but unfortunately the only station that came in was heavy metal – not so soothing. I’m hoping I have enough relaxing stuff on my i-tunes to make it work. Do you think Mmm-Bop translates into Afrikaans? That song always makes me feel better! ☺

Lion's Head

It’s a short blog tonight, kids. I had a nice Sunday. Went to church this morning and then spent the afternoon reading by the pool. My roommate gave me a book to read, written by the man who started the church she attends in Zimbabwe. It’s been very interesting to read and caused me to do much reflecting and thinking. I’m sure I’ll have more to write on that later, but for now I’ll leave you with that.

I know so many of you have been praying for me along this journey. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate that and how much those prayers have been felt every step of the way. I feel like I’m adapting to life here smoothly, that I have made some good friend, that I’ve seen an impact on the hospital and the kids there, and that have many more blessings still coming. My prayers recently have shifted away from my own needs and desires and are focused more on accomplishing all that God has for me here in the lives of others and for His work. I’ve been praying to hear His voice more clearly, so that He might guide me in whatever work He has for me here. I’m trying to make more time to spend in study and reflection, so that I might be more in tune with Him. I think so often we get caught up in the business of life and the day that we forget to take the time to center ourselves on Christ. But as we do this, our lives are so much greater. The first few weeks I was so focused on being here and experiencing everything there was to experience for myself, I let that daily study and prayer time lax, but I’ve refocused and am sure I will have many blessings to share related to that change in my daily life.

Tonight we hiked up to top of Lion’s Head. It’s the smaller mountain next to Table Mountain. It was such an awesome hike. The whole way up I was thinking of all the people I wished were here to hike it with me because I think you would have loved it so much. I’m thinking Mountain Camp should move to South Africa next year! The hike itself was a blast! There were all sorts of different terrains – the open path, the rocky climb, ladders, chains to pull your way up the mountain, rock scrambling- it was such a blast. Nothing however compares to the views all the way up and once at the top. We went for sunset and watched the sun set over the ocean and change the colors over the clouds on Table Mountain. It was just breathe taking! Cape Town is so beautiful with the mountains and the ocean right next to each other! I tried to take pictures to share with you all, but I’m sure my camera won’t do the view justice. Isn’t amazing how we try so hard to recreate the beauty we see all around, but no one does it quite like the original Creator! The hike back down was slightly treacherous as it was getting dark, but we had a great time. The views of the city lights were amazing from the mountain. We were far enough outside the city to see the stars! It was a great night!

I think I’m headed to bed early. Another work week awaits! It’s weird to think the kids will be there waiting when we arrive in the morning. Our lives get to go on outside the hospital. I get to go hike a mountain and spend the day at the beach. I get to go home at night and rest in my bed. The kids and families don’t get to. Their life totally shifts for this moment in their lives. Many of the moms sleep in the chairs at their kid’s bedside – not like the lazy boys we have at home, straight up chairs. They have to hunch over and sleep sitting up with their heads resting on the kids’ beds. Seeing this side of things makes me more empathetic to the needs of families in the hospital and the importance of our patience and support in our interactions with them.

Good night.

you can't scam us...and stepping dog poo

Posting this a day late because the internet wasn't working last night..

My friend Caroline had rented a car for the night last night and didn’t have to turn it in until noon today, so we thought we would take advantage of the freedom and drive along the coast. If you have a handy dandy Cape Town map available ☺ we drove down Victoria Drive, past Camps Bay and ended up at Hout Bay. It was an absolutely gorgeous morning and a beautiful drive. We tried to go further past Hout Bay, but Chapman Road was closed for some reason. We saw the sign, but went a little further. There was a guy on a moped who hollered at us and let us know the road was closed ahead. We started to turn around and he was talking to us letting us know how to get around. We told him we didn’t care that much and would go back in to town. Then he started talking a million miles a minute to tell us who he was and where he was visiting. His story was very detailed and he was going on and on. In the back of my head I thought – where in this story does your money get stolen and you ask us for some cash. As soon as I thought it, he reached the part of the story where his camera got stolen along with money and he needed gas, etc. Caroline and I gave him a few Rand and drove on. It’s that same situation I’ve been talking about earlier. It’s so hard in those situations to know what to do. Everyone driving by looking at us gave us one of those…he’s taking advantage of you looks, but we’d gotten sucked in so easily. And if someone is in need, aren’t we supposed to give and not judge? It’s such a source of confusion for me!

Anyway…

We found a little restaurant right on the beach and had muesli and yogurt. The mist was still rising off the water and the mountains framed the little bay. After breakfast we dipped our feet in the freezing cold ocean water and tried to continue on our journey. We met a guy from Amsterdam who’d just sailed his boat from Brazil, so we took a picture of him. I don’t even know if that’s true. I’m so skeptical of everyone over here. I’m always second-guessing and doubting. It’s a really awful feeling because I’m usually such a trusting person. It makes it hard to meet people because you’re constantly wondering what they want from you.

Anyway…We headed back toward our apartment because we had to have the car there by noon sharp so Caroline wouldn’t get over charged. On the way back we stopped by some roadside beaches and trails…some were sandy, some were boulder-y. One even had a sign that warned us nudity was not allowed along the trail…not sure what that implied about the end of trail – we didn’t make it far enough to find out! We also stopped along the road at some of the markets people had set up so sell some of the traditional African souvenirs like soap stone and ebony carvings. It was such beautiful stuff. It’s so hard to say no. I’m such a sucker! And I think that’s obvious. I did say no, but it was really hard.

Anyway…I’m showing too many of my weaknesses in this blog…let me get to my bold smart traveler story. ☺ On our way back to the apartment we were driving on the super narrow road and a big truck came barreling at us. Caroline swerved to get out of the way and hit the curb with her tire. She’d paid for zero reliability coverage – which had become our motto for the scary Africa driving – so we didn’t worry much about it. We made it back to the apartment by noon but the guy was nowhere in sight. We milled around out front and in a shop next door, but finally went upstairs after about 20 minutes, figuring the guy would call. I went up to the apartment where I found the door to my room was locked (I share a room and couldn't get ahold of my roommate) and I had no way of getting in. I went back down to Caroline’s and luckily had things with me to change out of my beach clothes. Caroline got ahold of the company who said they had no documentation of her renting a car, but she could just drive it in and drop it off at the office. We’d decided to go down to the Waterfront that afternoon anyway, so we thought we would drop the car off on our way. We went to get in the car (not before Caroline warned me not to step in the freshly made dog poo right beside the car) and the guy we know from the coffee shop and one of the security guards from the apartment both ran up to us to tell us the car guy had been looking for us and we were supposed to call them at the number they’d been given. We called him and he said he’d be there in 30 minutes, so we milled around the coffee shop to be sure we didn’t miss him.

Note: I’m realizing this is a really long and detailed story. I promise I’m not going to ask you for money at the end. ☺ but I hope you don’t get your hopes up thinking that the longer and the more detail this story has, the better it’s going to be. It really doesn’t get much better, so please don’t get excited. You’re welcome to stop reading now. If you want to continue I’ll try to make the end a little faster. ☺

Continuing with the story… In the mean time my roommate came back and let me into our room. That’s another story for another time (again not exciting, I just don’t want to post it on here). I walked into my room to get some money and turned around to see there was something light brown on the floor…very similar to dog poo. I looked at the bottom of my shoe and …you guessed it. Yuck!! Caroline had reminded me not to step in the poo when I got into the car, but I had totally forgotten when I stepped out just a few seconds later. I should have known where this day was going by this point. Anyway…the guy finally came to get the car. He looked around it to see if there were any damages. He came to the front tire and noticed the hubcap had been bent from the curb check when we were escaping the big truck. The guy started talking to Caroline about paying for the damages. She questioned that due to her zero liability policy. Evidently the fine print of that policy says that damage to tires and other specific areas of the car are not covered. Now – don’t worry. If the car is stolen – covered. Mess up a little rim – not covered. The guy told us we should have just reported the car stolen and then we wouldn’t have to worry about it. Why didn’t we think about that?! Anyway… by this time we were tired and frustrated, so Caroline asked the guy if he would drop us by the Waterfront on his way back. That was our first mistake. Once inside the car the guy started telling us about a friend he had that would fix the car for Caroline and then this guy would take it back to the dealer and they would never know it had been damaged. He said it would be way cheaper for Caroline and she wouldn’t have to worry. Unfortunately, with the accent and the way he was talking, things were confusing and we weren’t sure if he was saying that’s what we had to do or if it was just an offer. Anyway, he told Caroline it would be R1000 (about $100) and then he explained a whole bunch of ways we could take care of the transfer of money. It ended up being “best” if we just gave him the R1000 up front and he would take care of it all. I know this seems pretty cut and dry as I write it out, but you have to understand it’d been a long day and we were really confused by what he was saying, etc. Caroline agreed but had to run to the ATM to get the guy the money. I got out with her and told her I thought this deal sounded pretty shady. Once we were able to get away from the ordeal and think without the guy talking, we could see more clearly. She went back out and told him she just wanted to go through the dealer. He kept trying to persuade her, bringing up more damages, letting us know he was the guy that took care of making sure the cars ran correctly, so he knew what he was talking about, etc. He was so adamant about helping her get the better deal that it made him even more suspicious. Somehow in the discussion it came up that if he did fix it, when we went in to the dealership, Caroline wouldn’t be able to let them know that there’d been damage, etc. Caroline finally convinced him we just wanted to return it to the dealership and he left us. It kind of ruined our day, but I was convinced we’d done the right thing. Later Caroline got ahold of the car place and they were looking into it. Anyway…we felt somewhat scammed and became very suspicious of anyone offering us anything. The guy at the Indian restaurant we went to even made us both change our minds about what we ordered and we were defensive about it. ☺ We tried hard to get over it and it looks now like everything’s going to get worked out, but it just kind of ruined the fun. By the way – did I mention that when I got back in the car to go to the Waterfront, I stepped in the dog poo again – I should have known!

I just hate how cautious and even suspicious you have to be here. Tonight we were walking down the street and some guys pulled up and hollered at us, so we just kept walking. Typically, I don’t make eye contact with anyone. So a few minutes later when another guy came walking toward us waving his hands and saying hello, we just ignored him. We realized after he’d passed us that he’s the guy that works in the coffee shop below our building and we talk to every day. We yelled after him and were able to say hello and apologize, but we felt horrible that we’d ignored him. It’s so hard to be so untrusting. I think that’s the one thing I don’t like about living here. I miss the safety of home.

My battery is dying on my computer and our electricity is getting low, so I think that’s all for tonight. Sorry that was a really long story for no real reason at all. ☺ Good night. Love you.

you are energy; you are light

Caroline gave another survey about our Child Life program to another parent today. When the mom handed it back to her she tried to explain what she wanted the survey to convey. She said… “You are energy. You are light.”

“To the world you may be one person. But to one person you may be the world.” I’m not egocentric enough claim that I am the world to anyone, but that familiar quote (which just happened to be in my journal today) has taken on new meaning on this trip.

Yesterday I had some great interventions with that boy I have been talking about. Let’s call him Joe because saying he’s “the boy who’s hand I hold and who hugged me during that treatment who…” gets kind of long! Anyway, Joe typically has a pretty flat affect during that day. If he shows any emotion, it’s a pretty sullen expression. I’d gone out and bought a ball at a local toy store, so I took to Joe yesterday morning for some play. He immediately lit up! We threw the ball back and forth and I made my arms into a basket and he shot hoops. He was laughing like I’ve never seen him laugh before. The little girl in bed across from him was eyeballing us, so I had them throw the ball back and forth between their beds…a make shift little play group. It was as so much fun. They were laughing and interacting. It was great. I got the bubbles out for the two younger kids in the bay to play with. Soon Joe let me know that he wanted to play as well. I went over to his bed and began blowing bubbles. He came alive!! His little personality came out of nowhere. He started punching the bubbles and making little cartoon punching noises. Soon he was kicking and moving. I had no idea bubbles could be so cathartic. It was so great to see. His burns cover his legs and one side of his body up through his armpit, so moving has been very difficult for him. He was moving all over that bed in ways I’ve never see. At one point I had to move him back onto the bed because he was hanging off. Usually he cries out in pain. This time he grimaced, but it was hard to see through his giant smile!! ☺ It was a giant breakthrough! He had his treatment later that day, and it seemed like all the ground we had gained was lost…he was back to his old sullen expression, but I know that progress is still there and slowly his spirit will return!

We have siblings on our unit. They are in different rooms for infection control, but yesterday they were allowed to spend some time together. The sister’s face is completely bandaged, so it’s difficult to tell her expressions. Her eyes are often sad and she typically just lies in her bed. When the brother came in to visit her, they just sat and looked at each other. I could tell the boy was kind of scared by how his sister looked. So I whipped out my trusty bubbles (I wear them around my neck here and don’t know how I ever went without them at home!) and began a spontaneous play session between the two of them. They blew bubbles at each other and tried to pop them. It was wonderful how play could help them look through the bandages and the burns and remember their sibling on the other side. That was the most play I’d been able to engage the little girl in since she’s been here, so I was very pleased. She even spoke to him to say goodbye. It was a wonderful time!

Today was my theatre day, so I spent most of the morning in the OR. Again- I have to say how wonderful the staff is at this hospital. They are so inviting and allow us access anywhere we want it. They quickly recognize the effect that our presence has on the children and always remind us of that. I love them! ☺ Yesterday one of the sisters in the OR pulled Caroline aside. Caroline thought she might be in trouble, but the lady just wanted to tell her how sincerely she appreciated us being there and the positive effect we had on calming the children before and after surgery. How great!

Being able to be available in theatre has been a great experience in seeing the difference Child Life’s presence makes there. We don’t have that luxury at home in many hospitals, but being here and seeing the difference it makes is awesome. Today I took a little 2 (almost 3) year old back to theatre. Her mom was nervous and didn’t want to accompany her, so I went. (just a reminder that kids are usually sedated in their parents arms in the OR – awesome!) Anyway…she is just the cutest thing ever. She only speaks Afrikaans, but we’re able to communicate usually pretty well. She calls me (and everyone else) nurse. So, I’ll be walking by her room and she’ll yet out – NURSE! I would get excited if I thought it was me she was excited about, but whenever I get close she just reaches for my bubbles. ☺ I took the bubbles with us when we went to theatre. We had so much fun playing for the first 25 minutes, but we were both wearing down after that. She was having a typical 2-year-old response to me not wanting her to spill the bubbles, so I took them away. Oops! ☺ She began crying and carrying on. I was thinking – oh great! Here I’m so supposed to be showing these people how calming and comforting CL can be and I’m making this kid throw a temper tantrum outside of the OR. Thankful I got her distracted with something else right before we went in. We’d played with the anesthesia mask quite a bit that morning, so when we went in the room, she was sitting up her bed and grabbed the mask and stuck it on her face. She giggled as she breathed in and out…and then she was out. It was great! ☺ I’d gone back to the ward during her surgery, so I wasn’t there when she came to recovery. They called back over to the ward to get someone from Child Life back because she was waking up. It was just awesome to see the staff not only accepting our presence, but requesting it. How great!

I had another holding marathon with my little 3 year old friend. Caroline had been helping with her dressings while I was in theatre, so I came to relieve her. Caroline told me that (let’s call her…) Missy had said something during the dressing change (she doesn’t speak very often). The nurses translated for Caroline that Missy had asked Caroline not to stop singing. We often sing to Missy and it was just great to find out she finds comfort in that – enough to say something about it! I held Missy for awhile after her dressing change, but then I had to see some other patients. When I walked back by her room later, she was crying. Again, Missy doesn’t usually show any emotion – happy or sad. So I went in and asked if she wanted to be held (I’m really glad my family is so good at charades!). I picked her up and held her for quite some time. She hugged my neck as usual. I could feel her relax and her breathing slow down as soon as I held her. I tried to put her down at one point, but she just cried and cried. I was so happy that she was showing emotion at all that I picked her back up – I didn’t want her to regress again if I put her down. I held her forever. I had sweat dripping off every part of my body, but I couldn’t put her down. I started thinking about how much love my parents have for me. It was totally humbling because I could see how much love I had in my heart for this little girl and I know the love my parents have for me is so much greater. The thing that leaves me most in wonder, though, is that God loves me even more than my parents. Is that possible?! That’s a lot of love. And he loves each of these children more than my heart has room to love. Wow! That’s power.

Caroline was telling me about a book one of the social workers here was talking to her about the other day. I guess the woman who wrote it was on Oprah or something. (Oprah’s pretty big here.☺) If you saw her on Oprah and if I’m telling the story wrong, than please post a comment and correct me. Anyway…this woman is a neurologist and I guess she suffered a stroke. She tells the story of her experience in the hospital after that stroke. She wasn’t able to communicate and she couldn’t understand who people were or what their role was in relationship to her. I’m not even sure she could understand what they were saying, but I’m not sure. Anyway, in the darkness and confusion, she said the one thing she could understand was the presence people had with them when the interacted with her. For example, she could tell when a nurse was having a bad day or lying to her. I guess at one point her mother came to visit her and the woman had no way of knowing who this person was. But her mom laid down in bed with her daughter and she said a feeling of comfort and safety came over her. I think kids are totally the same way. We often talk about babies being able to sense the stress their parents are feeling, but I’m realizing in the country where the kids don’t understand what I’m saying – they understand me in that same way. There is a comforting presence I have felt with me on this whole journey and I pray that His peace is what the kids are feeling when I am with them.

I am working with another little boy on another floor as a referral from the anesthesiologist that brought us here. He is very week and very small for his age. He typically just lies in his bed and moans or cries softly. My goal the first couple days was just to get him to make eye contact with me, so you can see I have to have much patience in our progress. Although improvements have been slow, I go every day and just sit and sing or read, or blow bubbles. I’m not able to hold him right now because he is in so much pain and usually throws up when he’s just moved to a sitting position. I’m not really sure how he feels about me yet, but I figure if I stay consistent he’ll understand my intent and eventually we’ll breakthrough. I noticed the other day he was feeling my hands a lot, and I wondered if perhaps he was feeling for textures. Today I took him some squishy blocks we have with various patterns on them and spent much of our time together helping him trace the patterns. I squeezed the block for him and it made a squeaky noise. At first I was afraid I’d frightened him, but then he started mimicking the movement of my hand when I squeaked. I followed his command and squeezed the ball when he moved his hand. We did that for some time and he seemed very pleased. That’s play my friends. I know I was doing it for him, but he was definitely directing our play. Tiny success, but success all the same! ☺

I’m ¼ of my way through this adventure now. It has already gone by so quickly, I’m holding on to these last 6 weeks as tightly as I can! I know they’re going to fly by and my time here will be over. I feel like my moments to accomplish what I wanted on this trip are dwindling quickly. I think I’m most nervous about making sure these changes I’m feeling within me, both personally and professionally are long lasting and don’t just go away as soon as I get home. Caroline’s message at the end of my journal today was – “Growth means change and change involves risk, stepping from the known to the unknown.” It’s funny how being here feels more like the known now and I’m nervous to go back home and the unknown of the lasting effect of these changes. Oh well - I still have 6 weeks! I’m not letting myself think about going home yet!!

nighttime fires

Last night I went to bed early in hopes of being able to wake up refreshed this morning – I think the jet lag is finally starting to catch up with me. The wind outside was whipping violently – I don’t really know how to describe it, it is SO powerful. It shakes the doors in my apartment even when the windows are closed. Sometimes with the windows open, you have to throw your weight against a door to get it to open because the wind is pushing so hard against it. Anyway, last night was one of those overly crazy wind nights. I was able to fall asleep soundly, though. About 1am I woke up to the intense smell of smoke. It smelled like someone was having a campfire right outside my window. You could smell the burning wood and everything. As I was becoming coherent, I also noticed the whaling of sirens in the street. They were coming from everywhere. I looked out my window to see what was happening and Table Mountain was literally on fire! There were red blazing flames popping up all over, some of them very large. The whole city was covered in a smoky haze and the mountain had red smoke billowing from it. It was quite frightening. Everything else was dark, and I couldn’t remember where on the mountain the houses began. I said some prayers for those in potential danger, I could tell some of the flames looked very close to some tower apartments. We don’t have forest fires in Iowa or KC, so I was pretty worried. I went back to sleep momentarily, but woke again around 2:30am. My roommate woke up, too and we watched the mountain. It looked like the fires were growing – if that was possible. Every time one would go out, another would pop up. The wind was blowing so fiercely, I don’t know how they ever kept up. I have to send a shout out to the Cape Town Fire Department. I don’t know how they even got to some of the places they did, but when I woke up this morning, there didn’t appear to be any more flames, just some smoking areas. This morning you could see the helicopters swooping in and out pouring water on the mountain. The mountain is completely charred on one side. This morning as we drove to work we could see the damage. It got very close to some homes and may have done damage to some according to some reports. They had to evacuate those apartments I mentioned earlier, and some other homes. I heard about 60 people were evacuated, 6 people injured, and perhaps one death. There is more information and some pretty amazing photos at http://www.nowpublic.com/world/fire-breaks-out-table-mountain.


Today was another day of being present with the kids. I had more hands to hold, more opportunities for my neck to be squeezed and even some moments to help kids laugh. There were 2 highlights from the day as far as progress on the unit is concerned. I was working in the treatment room with 2 sisters I have worked with a number of times. I left to get a patient a gown and when I returned they told me they had just been talking about me. They said they thought the surveys Caroline had handed out for feedback from staff were missing a portion. The sisters continued by telling me how our presence in the treatment room does more than just comfort the children – they said it brings a calming influence to the staff as well. One sister told me how Wednesdays can be particularly stressful with so little staff, but our presence in the treatment room brings such a calming effect that she hadn’t felt the stress that day, she was just calm and comforted. She stated that by calming the children, we were also calming them. The other sister confirmed what was being said and told me she hoped someone could always be there. They went on and on about how comforting it was to them. I hugged them and told them I was so happy to hear that – that our role was to make a more calming environment for everyone and what a soothing effect that had on the children. YES!!! I don’t know about you guys, but I thought that was HUGE!! Later the sisters asked Caroline if her “tall colleague” had told her what they’d said. I had told her, but she wanted to hear it from them, so she said no. They repeated it to her and to the ward sister (aka combination of nurse manager/charge nurse). Victory! ☺

The other compliment and highlight of the day came from a patient. Caroline has been working with a little boy who only speaks Xhosa and whose eyes were swollen shut for the first part of his admission. When he first came in, she would read to him. He would sit on the side of his bed, and sit close to her like he was looking at the pictures in her book even though his eyes were swollen shut. She continued to read to him daily, so that he would recognize her voice as safe. When his swelling went down and he could open his eyes, he recognized Caroline as his friend. She has continued to play with him and support him despite the language barrier. Today the little boy was talking to one of the nurses and asked who the nice girls were. He told the nurse that he had no idea what we were saying to him, but he thought we were so nice and loved that we played with him. I laughed when I heard that – I just thought it was funny that he acknowledged he had no idea what we were saying. ☺ What an awesome compliment. Over and over again, we’re seeing how you don’t need to speak the language to communicate. Don’t get me wrong, it would be super helpful and I’m all about being able to speak to people in their native tongue, but just because you can’t speak, doesn’t mean you can’t communicate. That’s something for me to remember when I go home. I often shy away from patients that don’t speak English because I’m intimidated by my limited ability to communicate, but now I’m learning to do just that without having to use words!

I don’t have anything exciting to report from this afternoon. I came home and took a hard solid hour and a half nap. I figured that was in order since I zonked out at work when I put my head on my desk during my break. Oops. ☺ An early to bed is in order tonight. Until tomorrow…

the art of being present

I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned this in my blogs before, but this trip has taught me over and over again the importance of being present in a child’s life. It seems so often in the US I allow myself to get caught up in the bells and whistles of Child Life. Here in South Africa, those bells and whistles are not available and you’re left with the internal skills you possess and a few small items. More than anything I have been mastering the art of being present. So many times we think there are things we must do or say to engage or make our time worth while, but so often – the most important gift we can give these parents and children is our presence. During painful dressing changes with very few meds on board, a simple hand to hold or face to look at offers the support these kids need to make it through with their spirits in tact. When parents come in devastated by the trauma they have experienced when their child is burned, their not looking for resource materials or experts on this topic or that…they’re looking for someone to be present with them in the grief.

Today I witnessed this art displayed in numerous ways and truly feel I am a better Child Life Specialists and person because of it. I have been working with a little 3 year old girl who is badly burned. Most of her face and arms have been burned. She typically just sleeps throughout the day. I was present for her dressing change. This is one of the few times I can look in her eyes because they clear away the goop that has crusted her eyes shut. After her treatment I carried her back to her room and just held her. I think it had been a long time since someone had done that. I sang to her and rocked her. I think at first she wasn’t sure what I was doing, but soon I felt her holding tightly to my arm with her bandaged hand. She started to whimper and move around. I was trying to guess what she wanted, so I pulled her away from me. She moved her other splinted hand out from under the blanket and wrapped it tightly around my neck so that she was hugging me. Wow – the art of being present. We stood there for what seemed like forever- to her I’m sure it passed too quickly. I sang to her, but I’m not sure she could hear me because her ears were stuffed with cotton and banged, but she relaxed in my arms and seemed content to just allow me to hold her. The song that kept coming to my mind during this time totally illustrates what I was feeling in that moment….

“Make me a servant, humble and meek.
Lord let me lift up, those who are week.
And may the prayer of my heart always be,
Make me a servant. Make me a servant.
Make me a servant, today.”

I had to put her down eventually because some of my other patients were headed back for treatments. She rested peacefully. Later that day, I heard her crying. I walked into her room and knelt by her bed. Immediately she stopped as I rubbed her back and began humming again. It didn’t take a spinner or bubbles or anything that cost any money. It didn’t take me years of experience to learn what I was doing – it only took someone willing to be present in the life of a child.

I realize that may sound somewhat over the top, but I wish you could have experienced the power in that moment today.

I had some similar experiences with the little boy that smiled at me yesterday. Today was rougher for him because he had to have dressing changes. I had played some with him that morning. He was excited to see me, but I think he got a little jealous when I had to spend time with some of the other kids in his bay as well. ☺ I missed the beginning of his dressing change because I had gone up to the office to grab lunch. When I walked in he was crying on the dressing table. When he saw me walk in he immediately reached his hand out for me. I walked up and held his hand, stroking him and encouraging him in his breathing. He did such a good job of taking big deep breaths…I think our medical play from yesterday helped. I can’t communicate with him in words, but he mimics my breaths and did such a great job. At one point he had to stand up for his dressings, making him about level with my face. He buried his head in my neck and just cried. Again…all I’m doing is consistently being present with these kids in their most difficult moments. When we went back to his room, he was very uncomfortable, so I sat by his bed and held his hand. He moaned and moved. I rubbed his tummy on top of his bandages. He showed me where on his stomach he wanted me to rub instead. I rubbed there and sang to him. He placed his hand over mine and moved it along with mine – maintaining that touch as I tried to help his body calm. When you can’t communicate with someone in words, you find other ways to share compassion. I hope that I can remember this art of being present when I get home and all the bells and whistles are again at my disposal. Going back to the basics makes you appreciate what really matters and reminds me of the real role I fulfill in my job.

So my challenge to both my CL friends and all those reading my blog – just be present in someone’s life today. Forget about the distractions that keep our minds occupied…Stop trying to entertain or guess at what someone needs. Don’t be worried about not being adequate – just BE PRESENT. It’s a powerful art.

There were other good moments today, but I think I want to end with those 2.

I feel like there should be 2 separate blogs… my cheesy inspiration morning and my adventurous afternoon. They’re totally unrelated, so I’m not even going to try to transition into this… just go with me. ☺

I had the goal of being adventurous all on my own today. I’d been putting it off long enough, so today was the day! It was beautiful out today – some people are complaining it has gotten cold, but it was probably still in the 60s and 70s for most of the day (the wind, though - crazy!). After work I studied one of the walking tour maps in my tour book and decided to explore the company gardens. The gardens are located behind parliament with a lane of tall oak trees running by. I was a little nervous about heading out on my own – but embraced my new boldness (hoping to make my nephew proud) and gathered my things…trying to look as local as possible. ☺ I didn’t really know where I was going, but I made sure not to look that way and eventually found my way to the gardens. It was a very beautiful spot. I have to admit I was a little nervous, so wasn’t able to totally enjoy my time, but I did walk quite a ways through the garden. I even had someone call out to me in nice velvety accent “Hey there beautiful.” Now I realize that could have been the love of my life – so my ignoring him was taking a gamble, but I took my chances assuming what he was really saying was – “Hey tourist – come over here and let me see what’s in the purse of yours!” So I moved on. ☺ The walking map had me going on some different streets to make a loop and tried to follow it, but ended up on a totally different street. I was getting a little nervous, but said a prayer that I would find my way back and started walking.

I stumbled upon some really neat places – like Long Street, which has a number of the restaurants and cute shops. On my way back home I headed down a street and a little boy came up to me asking for Rands. Now everyone will tell you you’re not supposed to give these kids anything- usually they’re working for someone else and don’t keep the money. If you give them anything it’s supposed to be food. I didn’t have food and I didn’t feel comfortable reaching into my purse on the somewhat secluded street I was on so I said sorry. He kept saying, “Please, Sister. Please, Sister.” I know that he probably chose me because I was alone and looked like I didn’t belong, but when I looked into his little face all could see was the little boy from the hospital…especially since he was calling me sister. I told him I was sorry again and walked away, but it has haunted me since. This is something that I have always struggled with! I know the reasons for not giving to beggars, especially in this city, but I also know that as a Christian I’m called to a different standard of living – part of which is giving to those in need…especially children. I resolved myself to carrying a couple Rands in my pocket in the future and stuffing a couple snacks in my purse, but I’m still unsettled about the whole incident.

Anyway…I finally made it home safely. I’m not sure if I feel any more confident in my independent exploring abilities or not, but I did accomplish a goal nonetheless. I talked to a friend about what I’d done today. She shared with me her own concerns about that area of town. She used to walk to work via that route, but stopped when someone threatened to cut her chain off her throat and her phone was stolen twice. She said she hated to become a taxi rider, but she wasn’t sure what else to do. It’s such a struggle traveling by yourself and weighing the adventure with the safety. I felt pretty good about the day, and I’m sure I’ll go explore again, but my friend also said she would be happy to have someone to do the random touristy stuff with, so I’ll most likely drag her along next time. Woo! What a day. ☺


Hope all is going well back home. It has been so much fun to hear from all of you and see who all is following my blog. You’re quite an eclectic group and I love you all!

He smiled at me ... and other happy moments

So today it happened. He smiled at me!! Don’t worry…I’m not having a “He’s Just Not That Into You Moment.” ☺ I’m talking about the little boy I’ve been working with all week and have had very limited response. He’s the one that I talked about earlier when I was so excited the day he held my hand and wouldn't let go. My interactions with him after that seemed to be going progressively worse. He wasn’t responding and seemed to be withdrawing. I’ve learned more than ever during this last week the importance of just being consistently present in the lives of the kids I work with. Although I wasn’t getting much response, I continued to make sure I had daily interactions with this boy. I always made sure to tell him before I left the unit and remind him I would be back the next day. Slowly I think I’ve gained his trust and I’m so excited! Today I took a book to look at with him. It’s kind of a look and find book with bright colorful pages of fruit, animals, trucks, etc. We were looking at it together and all of a sudden he smiled at me! And then… he laughed! I know to most people reading this that won’t seem like much, but to me it was a HUGE break through! We continued looking at the book and he even started to talk to me. We counted objects, identified fruits in our various languages…it was so great! Later that day we played with a medical kit. It was so wonderful to watch him act out so much of what he’s gone through. He poked me with toy syringe about 50 times. I just sat there and took big deep breaths every time he did it. He mimicked me, breathing along with me. He also mimicked the sounds I was making to represent a heart while he was using the stethoscope. I really think we’re building a trusting relationship and I’m so happy to see the payoff of just being persistently present. ☺

Other happy events from the day…

* I am definitely noticing a change in the nurses already. They’re starting to tell kids before they perform various steps of procedures and I’ve even noticed them acknowledging and validating fears and expressions of pain. Today a sister even told a child. “Listen to her love, listen to auntie – she’s telling you you’re doing a great job.” FYI – I was auntie in that situation. I was really pleased with that.

* I do get to do a lot of baby holding while I’m here as well. I even accompanied one of those babies to the OR because her mom wasn’t here today. She was so playful with me before they gave her the anesthesia. It was nice to be able to be there and offer that comfort and support in the OR. Once again I have to praise that OR team for the welcome reception!

* I received my first real mail today. Cara Ditter is getting her own real life shout out in this blog! Thanks friend! I was so excited to get my card on Cara stationary!:) Thanks also to all who have been e.mailing and facebooking. It means so much to have your support.


The weather turned a bit chillier today and I’m not sure it’s turning back. ☹ We’ll see. It was rainy on our way home, so I just stayed in for a relaxing afternoon/evening. Hopefully tomorrow I can get busy on some more sight seeing.

That’s all for tonight, friends.

Love from Africa!

BTW_ If you’re reading this Maddie – I wrote back to you in the comment section of the last blog, so make sure you read it!

Phone calls from home and other weekend highlights

First, I must apologize for missing a day of blogging yesterday. I didn’t think anyone would notice – but evidently some of you did – so I apologize for my slackness. The good news is – not writing means I’m getting busy and involved in life here, which is exciting! ☺

We’ve been having some difficulty figuring out how to call my cell from the US, but after much investigation, I finally got the correct number to some friends and family and received my first phone calls from the US today!! I was so excited when I saw familiar numbers pop up on my “mobile” (say it with a SA accent, it sounds cooler). Caroline was the first one to call, so I must give a shout out to her on this blog (don’t be a hater, Ditter, you can have one, too even though you didn’t call☺). It was so wonderful to hear her supportive and encouraging voice on the phone- I can’t tell you enough what a strength you’ve been to me in the adventure Caro. I love you! Caroline was getting ready for a busy day with the CL girls. We’re in desperate need of some buddy dolls in Africa. These are the blank cloth dolls we use in the hospital to help kids process and cope with hospital procedures. The fabulous people I work with decided they would have their own little manufacturing party and sew a bunch of these dolls for us. You don’t know how much I wish I could be there to watch that circus. I’m not sure anyone in our department has ever sewn anything other than high school home ec. projects, so you can imagine the chaos that I’m sure will ensue. They have also collected supplies we’re in need of – like stickers, distraction items, and bubbles to ship with the dolls. I cried when I found out what they were doing. I have told everyone I know in SA about it. I’m sure people get tired of hearing how wonderful my co-workers and friends are, but I don’t think I can say it enough. Thank you, thank you, thank you! I wish I could take pictures of the kids when they get their dolls. They are going to be so excited!!!

My second phone call of the day came from Mom and Erin. Mom is Illinois visiting my sister, so they were together when they called. I cried…of course. It wasn’t as much as Erin was crying, but still tears nonetheless. ☺ It was really good to hear their voices. The one thing I have realized here is just how thankful I am for the family and friends that I have at home. I know I am prayed for and loved and that my family reads my blog more quickly than I can write it. ☺ You don’t know how supported that makes me feel! Thank you. I love you!

So the excitement of the phone calls makes the rest of my weekend dim in comparison, but I know you’ve been waiting for a braai update, so I won’t make you wait any longer…

Saturday was the seafood braai at Strandloper. You should google the sight to see the fabulous pictures, since I’ve yet to be able to download mine. It’s an open-air restaurant on the beach. There are tents to shade the tables and fire pits for the cooking. It’s located right at the edge of a rocky beach over looking a lagoon. It is so beautiful! I felt like I was walking through the line at a Disney World fantasy ride when I walked into the place. There are old boats and wrecked ships lining the walk. The tents are strewn with fish nets and I only hit my head on the dead fish mobile a couple times. ☺ There is a guy with a guitar that walks around to each table and sings songs with his thick Afrikaans accent. He knew almost every request. ☺ The ambiance was fabulous, but the food… amazing!! We started with mussels… a first for me. They were good, but I was able to hold back from eating too many, knowing there were 9 more courses to come. I don’t know if it counted as a course or not, but was also had the most amazing homemade bread ever! They were topped with homemade jams – strawberry, marmalade and watermelon (I didn’t really like the watermelon). The rest of the courses went was followed…

Bokkoms
Mussels in wine and onions
Mussels with garlic butter
Weskus Haarders
Seafood Paella
Braaied Snoek with potatoes and patats
Waterbloemmetjie Bredie
Smoked Angelfish
Stompneus
Kreef
Moerkoffie
Roosterkoek, fresh bread, farm butter and home made jams

Well...that's the list from the website, anyway. I'm not sure what half those are and whether or not I ate them. The barracuda and stopmneus tied for my favorites! I only had one bite of the lamb stew because I was getting really full, and the poo looking stuff coming out the crayfish kind of scared me a bit. The guy said it was totally edible, but all I could picture was an ostomy bag, so I didn’t quite finish that. The food is cooked right in front of you in courses and the utensils are empty mussel shells. It was so great. Between courses and after our meal we would walk up and down the beach, trying to make more room for the rest of the food! Really, though, I did pretty well for myself. I wasn’t disgustingly full by any means. I really enjoyed myself and was able to make a couple friends on top of that! Last night I even went to a movie with a few of the girls…it only cost me 40 Rand…that’s about 4 US dollars. It’s nice to feel friendships forming (with the people and the movie- not the Rand and the dollar – that sentence was kind of out of place). The weird thing about the movies is you get assigned a seat. Well…that was different for me anyway.

I was so exhausted by the time I got home last night – hence the blogless night.

This morning I went to church with Elizabeth and Mwaka. Again – I have to mention what a blessing it was that I ended up with Elizabeth as my roommate. We went to Hillsong. Many of you have probably heard of that church from it’s Sydney location, but they also have them in London and Cape Town. It was very typical to an larger American church, so nothing culturally to report there. But it was a really great service. I had been feeling a little bit homesick the night before for the first time and I was disappointed in myself for those feelings, but going to church today took all those feelings away. It’s amazing how even a million miles from away, you can feel at home with people you don’t even know. It’s just a reminder that God is everywhere and moving among His people in all areas of the world. I truly felt surrounded by His love.

The sermon today was exactly what I needed as well. The topic was “Enlarging Your Capacity.” It was all about allowing ourselves to stretch and grow so that we have a capacity to do all the things God would call us to do. There were 4 points discussed as necessary to understand in order to enlarge your capacity: 1) it is a choice to grow; 2) you must embrace the change; 3) you must understand the power in the mundane; 4) you must build the right priorities. A few things really stuck with me from the talk. In understanding the power in the mundane – the speaker discussed the need to continue serving in whatever way you can find and as you are faithful in that small way, God will work with you and give you more to be responsible (i.e. the parable of the talents). That got me thinking about my work here. Sometimes I feel like there is so much more I need to be doing and I get overwhelmed. But as I do what I know how to do to the best of my ability – God will work within me and open the door to do more. It seems so simple, but it allowed a mind shift in me that has already changed my attitude for the week.

I journaled when I got home from church today and once again, Caroline’s note to me had special meaning. She’d written from Matthew 15:16 – “you did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit…” I thought that really went along well with what I had heard in church today. God chose me to go on this journey and opened the doors to make it possible. I don’t feel adequate for this challenge, but as I do what I am able to do with the talents God has given me, He will enlarge my capacity and allow me to be part of a marvelous work.

Tonight I went to the Kirstenbosch Botanical Gardens with some friends. You should google that, too – beautiful! Its’ a botanical garden located at the foot of the mountains. We didn’t get to walk around much because we were there for a picnic and outdoor concert, but just sitting outside for the concert was breathtaking. I can’t wait to go back and explore the beauty of God’s creation captured in those gardens. Wow!

I think that might have to be all for tonight. I’m getting sleepy and have a new exciting week awaiting me. I’m really excited for this week. I feel like last week was my opportunity to settle in and get to know the ward and the routines. This week I’m so excited to go and just enjoy myself with the kids, families and staff…and share love with all I meet! Goodnight! I love you.