Range of Emotions

This may be short tonight. It’s late and I had an exhausting day. I apologize because I usually journal earlier in the night and then blog right before I go to bed. I’m doing both because there are things I want to record that I don’t really want the world to read, but I also want to be sure to share with those who are interested. So by the second time writing things down tonight, it may sound a little stale. ☺

Tonight I had supper with my roommates, Sabrina and Elizabeth, Mwaka from down the hall, and Sabrina’s boyfriend. Part of the night was spent trying to learn the different clicking sounds of Xhosa- one of the local languages. I’m horrible at it, fyi. But now it’s died down and I have a few minutes before I pass out to catch you up on a very busy day.

Wednesdays at work are Ward Rounds…which means that all the children (we have about 24 right now) have their bandages removed, are wrapped in saran wrap, draped in sterile towels and returned to their beds until the “Prof” (the head doctor) and his students pass through to look at everyone. After this, the kids are returned to the treatment room to be washed, debrided and re-bandaged. There are also a number of outpatient kids present who go through this same regimen. We started before 8 and I walked out the last treatment was done at 4.

There were some rough moments today… It’s difficult because there are so many cultural differences that clash with the principals of Child Life and I am having a difficult time resolving those in a respectful way while advocating for the emotional needs of the children I work with. Especially among the boys, there is an expectation for them not to cry or cry out. These boys, and actually most children in general are reprimanded when they show negative emotion during their treatments. As you may guess – burn treatments are very painful and these kids are much less sedated than what I’m used to on my unit at home, so crying out is very understandable. As a Child Life Specialist, my job is to create a supportive environment for kids to express emotions in a safe way. It has been a challenge to give a child permission to cry when he is being threatened for expressing that emotion. I want to be culturally sensitive, but I also don’t want these kids to have to live in fear of their medical treatment, or have to bottle up the emotions that naturally occur with pain. The pain management doctor made a good point the other day when she said a way to be culturally sensitive is to allow children to know that while in their society those emotions are not expressed – while that child is in a safe therapeutic space with a CLS or other psychosocial team member – they are free to experience and express emotion as they will. That totally makes sense, but I’m still finding it hard to communicate that same idea with the sisters at the hospital. I don’t want to swoop in and make them feel like they are wrong – but at the same time I can’t stand to watch the children so fearful. Any suggestions are much appreciated. ☺ I will say that by the end of the day, one of the nurses had softened her approach in my eyes, so perhaps patient persistence and modeling will have some effect.

My friend Caroline gave me a journal for my trip and periodically wrote in it, so that I would find her notes as I was writing. The one for today said – “Do not tell the man who is carrying you that he stinks.” –Sierra Leone proverb.

I did learn a game from one of the girls I was working with today. It’s called OMO. It’s like tic tac toe, but you use O’s and M’s and the grid is much bigger. The first person to make the word OMO wins. You continue on the same grid until all the boxes are filled…just in case someone was looking for a new activity during church (just kidding – pay attention!).

After work I fulfilled my goal of a new activity a day and went to the bookstore on the corner to look for some children’s books. It was about to close, so I just walked in looked at a couple books and walked out. So, tomorrow I will go back…and maybe I will go out to eat somewhere- even if it is by myself. ☺

So – recap of the day and the range of emotions I mentioned at the beginning of the entry. I started the beginning of my day thinking – I love this! I think I will live in South Africa forever and continue in this role. To… What am I doing here? There are people who could do much better than me. To…What’s my next adventure, this is my new life! ☺ So…we’ll see how we end this adventure feeling.

I’ll end with my inspirational thought of the day. The inscription at the beginning of my journal entry today said…

“You are the salt of the earth….You are the light of the world.” Matthew 5:13-14

When I read that I felt quite overwhelmed by the responsibility that seems to accompany that. But I was reading in “Whosoever Repenteth” this evening and realized making this journey about me and my ability is sin. It’s about God and His ability to work through me as I align my life with Him. As I do that – he will be able to use me for a work much greater than me. The purpose is not for me to be successful, but for His work to be done in His way.

I just wanted to thank all of you who continually send me words of encouragement. They are much appreciated. I wish I could write you each back individually, but time is limited…and I imagine as I become more engulfed by my experience, my time to write will feel even more limited. But please know how much I love and appreciate each of you!