the art of being present

I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned this in my blogs before, but this trip has taught me over and over again the importance of being present in a child’s life. It seems so often in the US I allow myself to get caught up in the bells and whistles of Child Life. Here in South Africa, those bells and whistles are not available and you’re left with the internal skills you possess and a few small items. More than anything I have been mastering the art of being present. So many times we think there are things we must do or say to engage or make our time worth while, but so often – the most important gift we can give these parents and children is our presence. During painful dressing changes with very few meds on board, a simple hand to hold or face to look at offers the support these kids need to make it through with their spirits in tact. When parents come in devastated by the trauma they have experienced when their child is burned, their not looking for resource materials or experts on this topic or that…they’re looking for someone to be present with them in the grief.

Today I witnessed this art displayed in numerous ways and truly feel I am a better Child Life Specialists and person because of it. I have been working with a little 3 year old girl who is badly burned. Most of her face and arms have been burned. She typically just sleeps throughout the day. I was present for her dressing change. This is one of the few times I can look in her eyes because they clear away the goop that has crusted her eyes shut. After her treatment I carried her back to her room and just held her. I think it had been a long time since someone had done that. I sang to her and rocked her. I think at first she wasn’t sure what I was doing, but soon I felt her holding tightly to my arm with her bandaged hand. She started to whimper and move around. I was trying to guess what she wanted, so I pulled her away from me. She moved her other splinted hand out from under the blanket and wrapped it tightly around my neck so that she was hugging me. Wow – the art of being present. We stood there for what seemed like forever- to her I’m sure it passed too quickly. I sang to her, but I’m not sure she could hear me because her ears were stuffed with cotton and banged, but she relaxed in my arms and seemed content to just allow me to hold her. The song that kept coming to my mind during this time totally illustrates what I was feeling in that moment….

“Make me a servant, humble and meek.
Lord let me lift up, those who are week.
And may the prayer of my heart always be,
Make me a servant. Make me a servant.
Make me a servant, today.”

I had to put her down eventually because some of my other patients were headed back for treatments. She rested peacefully. Later that day, I heard her crying. I walked into her room and knelt by her bed. Immediately she stopped as I rubbed her back and began humming again. It didn’t take a spinner or bubbles or anything that cost any money. It didn’t take me years of experience to learn what I was doing – it only took someone willing to be present in the life of a child.

I realize that may sound somewhat over the top, but I wish you could have experienced the power in that moment today.

I had some similar experiences with the little boy that smiled at me yesterday. Today was rougher for him because he had to have dressing changes. I had played some with him that morning. He was excited to see me, but I think he got a little jealous when I had to spend time with some of the other kids in his bay as well. ☺ I missed the beginning of his dressing change because I had gone up to the office to grab lunch. When I walked in he was crying on the dressing table. When he saw me walk in he immediately reached his hand out for me. I walked up and held his hand, stroking him and encouraging him in his breathing. He did such a good job of taking big deep breaths…I think our medical play from yesterday helped. I can’t communicate with him in words, but he mimics my breaths and did such a great job. At one point he had to stand up for his dressings, making him about level with my face. He buried his head in my neck and just cried. Again…all I’m doing is consistently being present with these kids in their most difficult moments. When we went back to his room, he was very uncomfortable, so I sat by his bed and held his hand. He moaned and moved. I rubbed his tummy on top of his bandages. He showed me where on his stomach he wanted me to rub instead. I rubbed there and sang to him. He placed his hand over mine and moved it along with mine – maintaining that touch as I tried to help his body calm. When you can’t communicate with someone in words, you find other ways to share compassion. I hope that I can remember this art of being present when I get home and all the bells and whistles are again at my disposal. Going back to the basics makes you appreciate what really matters and reminds me of the real role I fulfill in my job.

So my challenge to both my CL friends and all those reading my blog – just be present in someone’s life today. Forget about the distractions that keep our minds occupied…Stop trying to entertain or guess at what someone needs. Don’t be worried about not being adequate – just BE PRESENT. It’s a powerful art.

There were other good moments today, but I think I want to end with those 2.

I feel like there should be 2 separate blogs… my cheesy inspiration morning and my adventurous afternoon. They’re totally unrelated, so I’m not even going to try to transition into this… just go with me. ☺

I had the goal of being adventurous all on my own today. I’d been putting it off long enough, so today was the day! It was beautiful out today – some people are complaining it has gotten cold, but it was probably still in the 60s and 70s for most of the day (the wind, though - crazy!). After work I studied one of the walking tour maps in my tour book and decided to explore the company gardens. The gardens are located behind parliament with a lane of tall oak trees running by. I was a little nervous about heading out on my own – but embraced my new boldness (hoping to make my nephew proud) and gathered my things…trying to look as local as possible. ☺ I didn’t really know where I was going, but I made sure not to look that way and eventually found my way to the gardens. It was a very beautiful spot. I have to admit I was a little nervous, so wasn’t able to totally enjoy my time, but I did walk quite a ways through the garden. I even had someone call out to me in nice velvety accent “Hey there beautiful.” Now I realize that could have been the love of my life – so my ignoring him was taking a gamble, but I took my chances assuming what he was really saying was – “Hey tourist – come over here and let me see what’s in the purse of yours!” So I moved on. ☺ The walking map had me going on some different streets to make a loop and tried to follow it, but ended up on a totally different street. I was getting a little nervous, but said a prayer that I would find my way back and started walking.

I stumbled upon some really neat places – like Long Street, which has a number of the restaurants and cute shops. On my way back home I headed down a street and a little boy came up to me asking for Rands. Now everyone will tell you you’re not supposed to give these kids anything- usually they’re working for someone else and don’t keep the money. If you give them anything it’s supposed to be food. I didn’t have food and I didn’t feel comfortable reaching into my purse on the somewhat secluded street I was on so I said sorry. He kept saying, “Please, Sister. Please, Sister.” I know that he probably chose me because I was alone and looked like I didn’t belong, but when I looked into his little face all could see was the little boy from the hospital…especially since he was calling me sister. I told him I was sorry again and walked away, but it has haunted me since. This is something that I have always struggled with! I know the reasons for not giving to beggars, especially in this city, but I also know that as a Christian I’m called to a different standard of living – part of which is giving to those in need…especially children. I resolved myself to carrying a couple Rands in my pocket in the future and stuffing a couple snacks in my purse, but I’m still unsettled about the whole incident.

Anyway…I finally made it home safely. I’m not sure if I feel any more confident in my independent exploring abilities or not, but I did accomplish a goal nonetheless. I talked to a friend about what I’d done today. She shared with me her own concerns about that area of town. She used to walk to work via that route, but stopped when someone threatened to cut her chain off her throat and her phone was stolen twice. She said she hated to become a taxi rider, but she wasn’t sure what else to do. It’s such a struggle traveling by yourself and weighing the adventure with the safety. I felt pretty good about the day, and I’m sure I’ll go explore again, but my friend also said she would be happy to have someone to do the random touristy stuff with, so I’ll most likely drag her along next time. Woo! What a day. ☺


Hope all is going well back home. It has been so much fun to hear from all of you and see who all is following my blog. You’re quite an eclectic group and I love you all!