I’ve found it much more difficult to journal and blog on this trip. I feel the responsibility to record these experiences, but definitely not the desire. I’ve decided it’s because my motive for being here is different on this trip. My first trip definitely became one of self discovery in both my personal and professional life. This trip I have so many different hats to wear, it’s sometimes difficult to process anything for myself, which is totally fine - my purpose here it to provide a learning opportunity for my students, and it is definitely not about me. I do feel the pressure to not only provide child life learning experiences, but to help them learn about themselves and the world around them. I’ve had to remind myself that the best way to allow that to happen is by exposing them to the new and challenging opportunities, and allow the learning process to naturally occur. While my natural tendency is then to tell them what fruit that experience should produce in their lives, I realize that the most meaningful changes come through self-discovery, not through someone telling you what to do. The challenge comes with creating the safe and supportive environment with exposure to the right experiences in order for them to come to meaningful conclusions on their own. I guess that’s what this teaching thing is all about, though. 

The students continue to excel at their work at the hospital and the “home for physically disabled children.” I wish that I could write more about their experiences there, but I am sensitive to protecting the stories of those with whom we are working. I will tell you that on Tuesday we were able to meet with the creative therapies team at Red Cross. They are a team of massage, art, music and movement therapists. They do great work at that hospital and are working every day to support the psychosocial needs of the kids at the hospital. During our visit, the pain nurse mentioned that a mother had stopped her to talk about about one of our students. She shared that this student had provided play for her daughter at bedside. During this play experience, the mother saw her child smile for the first time since she had been hospitalized. In fact, they named the doll the girl had made “Smile” to commemorate the child’s break through moment. It was in this moment that the mother said she was able to see the daughter she knew, and not the sick, scared girl who had taken her place in the hospital. It was a very powerful moment for that student to see the positive impact she had made on a child through the power of play. We aren’t always able to see the outcome of the interactions we have with children, but in this moment we were able to celebrate with this family and our child life students. 

Along with all the hard work at the hospital, we had plenty of time for fun this week as well. 

On Tuesday afternoon, Caroline and I headed to Kirstenbosh Botanical Gardens with some of the girls. It’s one of my favorite spots in Cape Town. I just love the beautiful scenery and it has some great photo ops. The wind and the cold made our outing even more of an adventure. 

Teaching Caroline to master the jumping shot. 

Thursday, we headed back down to the Waterfront after work to head to Robben Island for our tour. Unfortunately, as we were sitting waiting for the ferry, they canceled our trip due to winds. We were very disappointed, but we will reschedule our tour for another day. 

Caroline and I were able to stay down at the Waterfront to meet up with our friend Martha and her family for dinner. Martha was a child life specialist at Children’s Mercy with us and moved to South Africa last summer for her husband’s work. It was so great to see her and to hear how well she is adjusting to her life in South Africa. I know the move was not an easy decision for her, and I’m so proud of the way she has embraced this adventure for her and her family. 

Friday and Saturday was the big “safari.” Excitement was definitely in the air as we gathered early Friday morning to make the four hour drive to our game reserve. The drive along the Garden Route was beautiful and once we got out of Cape Town, the weather became beautiful as well. We were able to go on a night game drive when we got to the reserve. It was definitely the most emotion filled ride I’d ever been on. 

One of many game drive pictures. 

We divided into two groups. Caroline and I traveled with three of the students and headed out to find all of our favorite African animals. Our vehicle was most excited about the giraffes, the elephants, and the lions. What we didn’t realize was that the most entertaining animal, and the one we would spend the most time with that evening, would be the ostrich. 

As we crested one of the hills, we saw what looked like a woman in a black dress doing the can-can. Our ranger informed us that it was a male ostrich doing his mating dance. It was quite entertaining. But the fun didn’t end then. All of a sudden we saw him catch the eye of a cute little female ostrich. He took off after her, and our ranger sped down the hill after them. We weren’t really sure what to expect when it came to the mating ritual of ostriches, but we sure saw it all. The male ostrich soon took his position and was happily doing his thing. When all of a sudden, out of no where, another male ostrich came running and totally bulldozed the two boofing ostriches. Birds and feathers were flying. The blind sided and now enraged male ostrich jumped to his feet and took off chasing after another male ostrich - the hilarious part was that it was the wrong guy. He was totally chasing after an innocent bystander. That poor ostrich took off running.  He had a look of fear and total confusion in his eye. I was picturing him looking over his shoulder yelling, “It wasn’t me. You’ve got the wrong guy. For real, let’s just calm down and talk this out.” But there’s no use reasoning with an angry, horny ostrich. It was during this chase and perceived conversation that the ostrich being pursued totally wiped out. He was running down a hill and just totally bit it! Face planting right into the ground. The guy had to have a bloody beak for sure. He jumped back up and kept on running, but I’m not really sure what happened because at this point I was doubled over with tears running down my face. It was hilarious. Even our guide was shaking with laughter. I can’t even make it through this story without laughing. It was live animal bloopers at it best. Best moment of the safari by far. Caroline loved it so much, she wants to buy a painting of an ostrich in an ascot. Not sure what the ascot has to do with it, but it seems appropriate nonetheless. 

Our fearless driver safely returned all the
members of our vehicle back to camp. 

There must have been something in the water this weekend, or perhaps it was just the added estrogen in the air from a group of 14 women on safari. Either way, it felt like I was trapped in an episode of Animal Planet does the dirty. We were “blessed” to encounter the mating rituals of giraffes and a number of other wild species before the day was done. 

We ended our evening being chased by a female lion. No joke. It was super scary - one of our passengers may have even relieved herself during the pursuit. We obviously got away and were later told that since these lions had been rescued from a hunting reserve they weren’t used to running long distances and don’t kill to eat - they just kill for fun. But my memory of the event is a huge lion sprinting after our jeep and her giant head flying toward us with her mouth wide open. 

The rest of our stay at the game reserve was definitely enjoyable, but a little less dramatic. 

We are back to Cape Town  now and gearing up for our final week in Sough Africa. I can’t believe how quickly it’s gone. We still have plenty of items on our list of things to do, so it will definitely be a busy week. Hoping we can find the balance between cramming it all in and giving ourselves the opportunity to slow down and really allow this experience to make a lasting and sustainable impact. 

For all of you questing whether I'm doing any work on this trip,
here I am grading journals. :) 

I'm back!

Five years ago...I took a leap of faith. Stopped talking about what I wished I could do. Put my big girl panties on. And finally did it. I have never been the same. 

6 days ago...I returned to the country that changed the way I thought, changed the way I worked, and changed the way I lived. But this time I brought along one of my best friends and mentors. Oh, and 12 excited and nervous college students. My hope was that they, too would be changed. 

* * * *

From the moment I left South Africa in 2009, I have dreamed about the day I would return. In August, when I accepted a job at Missouri State University, as a child life instructor, I knew my moment had come to return. 

So at 4:45 AM on Sunday, May 18, my friend Katy (shout out!) dragged herself out of bed to drive me to the airport. On the way we picked up my good friend Caroline. Caroline was my supervisor when I was a child life intern - and his been one of my best friends and mentors ever since. She has always been one of my biggest cheerleaders in life - and is also the one that can slap me upside the head when I start to do or think something stupid. So I couldn’t imagine going on this adventure with anyone else. 

We met the girls at the airport and began our journey to Cape Town, South Africa. The flight was relatively uneventful. We traveled for over 30 hours, but arrived with all of our party and our luggage in tact , so I felt the first task was a success. 

We spent the first day settling in to Cape Town. Jess from Connect 123 oriented us to the program and the city. Then I took the girls on a short walking tour to some nearby spots. I was amazed at my ability to remember my way around the city - or at least to fake it enough that the girls couldn’t tell the difference. I introduced them to the Company Gardens and Long Street and taught them a few Cape Townian lessons along the way...like how cars don’t stop for pedestrians and how not to take objects from strangers. 

That evening we were introduced to some traditional African dishes at the Africa Cafe. We even had our faces painted by our waitress. All the girls had beautiful symbols painted on their faces. I, on the other hand, was given a giant question mark. I’m still not sure the meaning behind that???

Then on Wednesday, we began our work at the Red Cross Children’s Hospital (our real reason for traveling half way across the world). We were able to meet Lauren from Lionhearted Kids who oriented us to our role in the hospital for the next three weeks. Lauren has been working very hard to establish a strong program to bridge the gap in psychosocial services for the most needy of kids in South Africa. We were able to raise over $6,000 for her program (thanks so much to all who donated) prior to our arrival and have already been able to see the good it will be able to do long after we are gone. 

After the Red Cross orientation, Caroline and I took the girls back to our apartment for an opportunity to debrief. We could tell they were overwhelmed. Not only had they just been dropped into an entirely  new culture, they were being asked to jump in to working in an a very different hospital environment. But they processed well and decided that our theme for the next day would be to “Let it go.” Let go of preconceived notions, let go of what you think you know, let go of fear, let go of nerves...just let go and be present in the moment, and appreciate it for what it is. Our brains naturally make comparisons between new and familiar experiences. We start to categorize and compare...and then we shift to what deciding what is better or worse. The challenge is to appreciate new moments for what they are, and not get caught up in what they aren’t. 

Thursday was the our first day at Red Cross...and the ladies were AWESOME! I can’t tell you how proud I was. They jumped into the opportunity given them with poise and confidence. I had a number of proud teacher moments as I would walk through the halls and see them breaking communication barriers with the universal language of play. One student pulled me aside with tears in her eyes and pointed into room she had just come out of. The children were out of their beds laughing and interacting with one another. 

She told me that she “got it.” All this year I have been pounding into their heads the power of play. And now she was seeing it for herself. There really is nothing more powerful then we as adults communicate with children through their favorite language - play. The fact that these students were already seeing that on the first day of our volunteering makes me so excited to see what other understandings will be revealed to them throughout the remainder of this trip. 

Friday we had the opportunity to go to Maitland Cottage. Maitland Cottage is a home for children needing medical care. We were introduced to the children by the head matron. She walked us through the boys wing and the girls wing. After our tour, we divided into 2 groups and began to play. It was so much fun! Again, the students impressed me with their ability to jump right in and play without hesitation. The students walked away with extremely powerful experiences at this site. We were only scheduled to be there one day our whole trip, but have asked to return a few more times before our time in Cape Town has ended. I wish I had the time to write more about this experience, but I’m so tired and already getting bored of writing this entry, so I can only imagine how you all feel reading it. :) 

Friday night, we headed up Lion’s Head. I told everyone it was a relatively easy hike and so we planned to head up in time for sunset. I guess 5 years is a long time, because I was informed multiple times up the mountain, that this hike was indeed not easy. Evidently one of the groups was even plotting how to throw me off the mountain. Oops. :) But everyone made it to the top. And the breathe taking views were well worth it in the end. 

Saturday was our trip to Boulder Beach for the penguins, and Cape Point for a cold, wet, windy tour of the most southwesterly point of Africa. 

And finally...today. :) Whew! I know this has been a long blog, but I guess that’s what happens when you wait a whole week to write. I apologize to all who have endured this far. You can blame my mother who I am sure is enjoying every moment of this play by play. :) 

Sunday - today - we took a tour of Langa, one of the townships in Cape Town. Our tour guide was MC. He grew up in Langa and was able to share some great history and stories. The tour definitely put the students outside of their comfort zone. But that’s what traveling and learning is all about. How boring life would be if we only did what was comfortable (I try to remind myself of that every time I have to call a cab). 

My favorite part of the Langa tour was Guga S’thebe. It’s an amazing arts and crafts center in Langa. But it’s so much more than that! Artists can work from the center free of charge - using the space and equipment (kilns, etc.) in exchange for teaching young people their trade. What an awesome sustainable, community oriented answer to the some of the unemployment issues facing this township. 

We also had a chance to worship in one of the local churches, and dig into a pile of meat at a braai before heading back home for the day. 

I encouraged the students to really take some time this afternoon/evening to process the thoughts going through their mind after our tour today. I think the biggest thought that I keep returning to is: I have been given so much in my life, yet I am grateful for so little. And in this world I have had the chance to know those who have been given so little, and yet are grateful for so much. 

So, as I pause at the end of this day (and at the end of this blog entry) and reflect on this past week, my commitment is to be grateful, in each moment. Grateful for those times when God has blessed me with what I need. And grateful for those moments when he as withheld from what what I wanted. Grateful for moments to see the world and travel. And grateful for a place to call home. Grateful for moments of safety and familiarity. And grateful for moments that press me into places I may not want to go. Grateful for the opportunity to teach, and grateful for the opportunity to learn - even when it means learning those things about myself that are hard to acknowledge. I am grateful.

“Gratitude turns what we have into enough.”

final interactions

I have been avoiding this blog entry, I think since the day I arrived here. This will be my last entry from Cape Town, South Africa. Many of you have asked if I will continue blogging after I get back to the US. I will, I’m sure in the week to come, record my feelings as I begin to realize what I’ve experienced and actually have time to sit and process the difference it has made in my life. I’m not sure what will happen from there. I really don’t know where life will lead me from this point. I’m trusting, however, that whether I am in some foreign country around the world or at home in the Midwest, my life will continue to be a great adventure. So, check back every now and then. Perhaps you’ll stumble upon something worth reading (no promises, though!).

It has been very hard for me to sit down and record my feelings and experiences from this last week. I keep writing words and deleting them – not able to fully express what I’m feeling and not really sure myself what emotions are stirring up inside me. I feel very disconnected from the words I’m writing, so please bare with me as I attempt to sort through them while I share some of my final interactions from the week.

Tuesday, 28 April

The Pain Management Team had a goodbye tea for Taylor and I this morning. My favorite part about tea is the excuse it gives you to eat rich chocolate desserts at 10 in the morning. It was very nice to hear the kind words from everyone. They have so embraced this project and it has been such an honor to be a part of it. I had a whole speech ready to share about how I came to Africa to teach about Child Life, but have learned so much more in return. Unfortunately, in true Cara fashion, I started crying the moment I sat down and was only able to squeeze out a few “thank you so much” s. I think I did manage to say that the changes occurring in South Africa would ripple into other areas of the world, including the change it has made in me that I hope to take home and apply to my own work with patients and families. But then I started crying again and decided to focus on eating the cake sisters instead.

Missy and Joe were back for an outpatient visit again. Missy was in such a good mood. She was playing and laughing and talking. It was so great. At one point, she was sitting on my lap, giggling and blowing bubbles. One of the sisters walked by and asked Missy a question in Afrikaans. Missy smiled really big, nodded and said something back. The sister told me she’d asked Missy if she was really glad to see me today. Missy said that she was. It was really nice to hear. Missy can be so reserved sometimes and we don’t speak the same language, so sometimes it’s hard to know how she feels about our interactions. As I prepare to leave, it was nice to know that Missy had been positively affected by our time together.

Wednesday, 29 April

Another goodbye and another excuse for a tea. This morning we said goodbye to the C2 staff at tea after ward rounds. Prof said some really nice things about the Child Life project. He is the one who wasn’t totally sold on our involvement when we first started, but has now become one of our biggest supporters. He usually sights our presence in theatre as one of the biggest impacts we’ve made; claiming the children are much calmer and cooperative when we’re there. He recently attended a meeting in Durban where he gave a two hour presentation. Thirty minutes of that time was spent talking about Child Life and what he calls “complimentary medicine.” It was just so exciting to see the transformation of someone unsure of our presence on the ward to someone spreading the word about Child Life around South Africa. Later that day Prof also asked if we could process the length of stay a couple of boys will have to endure at the hospital. They will be there for approximately 2 months away from their families. Prof wanted us to use play to help them understand that and work through their feelings. How awesome is that?! He really gets what we do!!

Prof went on in his speech to talk about the ward. He mentioned how wonderful C2 was because the staff works as a true team. There is no hierarchy. Each profession is respected and valued for the expertise they bring and everyone is treated with the same respect. Sometimes that means everyone is equally rude to each other, but at least they’re all treated the same. ☺ Seriously though, that is the one thing I have appreciated so much that until this moment I hadn’t been able to put my finger on. When each member of the team is truly respected and given voice, they are freed to perform their greatest works, and the patients truly benefit. I’m not saying the ward is perfect, there are definitely challenges to bringing change, but for the most part, people have bee so open to new ideas and experiences. I hope that I can remain open in my own work to accept those ideas and suggestions of others, and in turn have the confidence to speak my own ideas with confidence.

I found myself speaking up a number of times to advocate for the kids. Situations like these have filled me with a confidence to go back and do my job well, to speak up and not be afraid; to have courage and confidence to do my job; to create a team where people aren’t afraid to talk to each other – no matter their position.

Thursday, 20 May

Today was my last day at the hospital; my day of final interactions. It was very bitter sweet. I had some wonderful play opportunities with the kids. I did about 4 surgery preps and 2 procedures supports in my first hour of the day. The kids were responding so well. It was the perfect way to end my time here. A number of kids came in today to receive their pressure garments, including Joe and Missy. It was kind of a neat ending to my time here, to see the kids I had started with progress to the stage where they were ready for their garments. There has been such a transformation in them, physically and emotionally. It was so wonderful to see.

I had a huge medical play session on the floor in the bay I worked in today. It may have been more fun for me to watch the reactions of the parents than it was the kids. As the mothers watched their children play and interact with eacth other, their stress turned to sheer joy. They were smiling and laughing right along with the kids. We often realize the positive affects of play on kids, but in this situation the positive effects on the parents were just as powerful. I think it was also good for many of the mothers to realize their kids are still the same kids.


I was feeling pretty good after all the successful interventions of the day. Other than dropping a crib rail on my foot, leaving it bleeding, bruised, and with a nice goose egg, my day had been pretty successful. I began my goodbyes to both the staff and the kids. One of the mothers said, “Shame. Only 2 months” when I told her I was leaving. I heard a lot more “Shames,” as I said my goodbyes. The most difficult goodbye was with the two little friends here from Zimbabwe awaiting surgery for the keloid scars. They greet me every morning with a running hug and their hugs flow abundantly throughout the day. I told them I was going home to America and today would be my last day. They just laughed at me and said, “You’re so funny.” They asked if I was coming back, but I told them no, that this was a forever goodbye. They asked when I was leaving. I said Saturday. One of them said, “So you will come tomorrow.” I explained the next day was a holiday and I would be getting ready to go home. They finally understood (as much as they could at that point) and gave me giant hugs and kisses goodbye. One of them climbed onto my shoulders and wouldn’t let go. I gave them final hugs and said my farewell to them, to the staff, and to the hospital. I cleaned the toys one last time, walked through the pointless metal detector one more time, took the bus home one more time, and let myself cry one more time (okay, so maybe more than once!).

When we got back to the apartment, my friend Tami was preparing to leave for her flight. We all sat around for a while talking and looking at old pictures, remembering our favorite moments together. When it was time to go, we walked her out to her taxi. It finally felt real that this would goodbye. She cried and we cried and she drove way from this adventure.


Saturday, May 2

Today is my last full day in South Africa. I’m not at a point where I can tell you what I’m feeling. That will have to come later. I’m also really tired. I am trying to stay up late tonight to help myself transition back to Central Time. It’s hard. You all are just getting home from work and I’m going insane, I’m so tired. ;) Hopefully I’ll be able to sleep in tomorrow and use the flight home to my advantage. I’ll be home Sunday at noon for those of you wanting to make sure my lawn is mowed and my house clean (hint. hint. ☺)

This morning Jamie, Danielle and I tried to hike Lion’s Head one more time, but it was foggy and started raining by the time we made it half way up. The rocks were pretty slippery, so we headed back down. I spent the rest of the day tying up loose ends and just enjoying my friends here. Caroline is gone for the weekend, so we said our goodbyes over the phone. It’s not quite sinking in yet, perhaps when I get to the airport, or walk on the plane, or maybe off the plane at home…or maybe a few weeks from now.

At any rate, I hope to find the time to truly realize what I’ve experienced here. I hope that I have accomplished what God had for me to do here. I still feel inadequate, but I know that God uses the willing, not always the strong. I pray that the experiences I have had have truly touched the lives of others, and that my life in turn has been changed for the better.

I hope that each of you has come to realize the ability in each of you to impact the world around you, whether you’re in Cape Town, South Africa or Kansas City, Mo, or where ever you may be. I never thought I would be able to do something like this….now I don’t know why I ever waited so long!!

Thanks for walking with me on this journey. God is SO good! His Love is so vast!

I’m signing off from Cape Town.

4 girls, 3 mongoose, 2 craigs and a land rover

AMAZING!!!

That’s pretty much all I can say about this last weekend. I’ve been trying to decide how I can capture everything from the past 3 days into one little blog entry. I have decided that I just can’t. This is the one thing you will have to ask me to tell you about in person. It was definitely one of the best experiences of my life!

Here’s a brief attempt to capture my safari…

Our small propeller plane landed in Hoedspruit, South Africa about 1:30 pm, the last of the 2 flights that day (or any day for that matter). We stepped out of the airplane and walked down the stairs into the wide open field with a small brick building and a runway – known in this town as an airport. The e.mail we had received instructed us to look for the skinny ranger named Craig. We were the last people off the plane, so as we rounded the fence we were pretty confident that the skinny man with no shoes and a giant grin was our ranger! We greeted each other with huge hugs and followed Craig out to his land rover. Craig was the envy of all the other rangers with his 4 American girls carrying all their belongings on their backs. There really wasn’t anything special about us, except that we were under the age of 60. ☺

The ride to the campsite was filled with energy, animal sightings and laughter. Back at camp Craig 1 introduced us to Craig 2, the other ranger at our camp and the 3 pet mongoose. To fully understand our experience on this safari you must have a clear picture of the Craigs. They are completely offensive, politically incorrect men who’ve been living in the African bush without electricity or any modern amenities for years. They smoke a pack of cigarettes a day and drink rum like it’s water. But you couldn’t help but love them! They’re also brilliant and the best safari guides we could ever ask for. Craig 1 used to be the top dog in conservation in South Africa – i.e. head of whatever they call the environmental department in SA. We fell in love with them the moment we met them. They took such good care of us and taught us so much in our short time with them.

The camp was centered around the fire pit and kitchen. The pit was where all our meals were made and also served as our gathering place for long evening discussions and entertainment. The path behind the kitchen led to the 2 outdoor bathrooms, fully equipped with flushing toilets, running water, and showers. The walls were made of reeds, with no roof and a beautiful view of the African wild. We stayed in raised chalets with 2 beds a piece. It was absolutely perfect.

We went on our first game drive a few hours after we’d gotten to camp. Craig 2 was our leader and introduced us to giraffes, zebra, kudu, elephants and rhinos. We were so excited. At first we couldn’t help but squeal, but we soon learned to contain ourselves, so as to no frighten the animals. Craig had so much information to share about the animals, the wild life, and the way it all worked together to sustain life in this place. I couldn’t help but stare in wonder at the beauty of God’s creation. He is so creative!!

That night we gathered for steak cooked over the fire and a late night of conversation ranging from politics and religion, to bad jokes and funny stories. We heard the leopards as we headed off to bed that night. The stars were absolutely amazing. There was no moon, so the stars were the only thing lighting the sky. We learned how to find south based off the Southern Cross. It was such a perfect day and night.

I don’t have time to go in to as much detail as I would like, but the next day we went on 2 game drives - that is after we pushed the land rover to get it started (think "little miss sunshine"). We saw tons of giraffe and zebra, warthogs, and other animals. We never did see any of the cats, but we did hear a momma lion calling for her cubs and lion’s at night. Every game drive we went on included a stop for tea and snacks. When we stopped for our evening tea, we sat in a field watching the impala play and the sun set over the mountains. As were looking at the vast stars, we saw a meteor with a huge tail streak across the sky. It was such a perfect moment. We didn’t get to see all the big 5, but we wouldn’t have exchanged the moments we had on this trip for anything.

We went on a final drive the morning we left and then packed our bags and headed back to airport. We considered trying to miss our plane so we could spend more time in the wild, but we had to get back to work. We gave our final goodbye hugs and passed through security – which was a couple ladies opening one of our 2 bags (it’s harder to get in to a Royal’s game). As we boarded the plane we each shed a couple tears, sad to be ending our adventure.

I really hope the goodbye to Paradise Camp and the 2 Craigs will not be a forever goodbye. This safari was the first time I truly felt like I was in Africa. It was the Africa I came here to see and I had a very hard time walking away from it. It was the Africa that gave me a greater understanding of just how big my God is. It was the Africa that some day I hope to return to. I felt more safe the last 3 days, living in the wild with the animals than I have the whole time I’ve been in Cape Town. I can't explain everything that went in to the emotions of leaving on that plane. I think it had to do with an understanding that I would soon be leaving the Africa I am learning so much to love. As I was pondering these feelings of sadness and not wanting to leave Africa, I opened my journal. The passage Caroline had written for the day stated -

Trust - in His timing
Rely - on His promises
Wait - on His answers
Believe - in His miracles
Rejoice - in His goodness
Relax - in His presence

Perfect council for me in that moment. God's plan is far greater than any I can imagine. So, I will trust in Him.

I’ve just read back over this blog and have so much more to share for you to truly understand how awesome that adventure was, but I don’t have time and will have to just offer what I’ve written…and promise to tell you more when I get home.

We’re planning on coming back for a 21 day traveling safari with the Craigs some day. You’ll have to join! ☺

also...

just wanted to let you know that my friend jamie is also keeping a blog of her time here, so if you want to hear her perspective on the trip, check it out at jamie-day.blogspot.com.

also. some of you were telling me you wanted to comment, but couldn't. i changed some of my settings and you should be able to comment now. so do. it makes me happy. :)

the first of the lasts

Today was my last Friday at the hospital…and thus begins the lasts. I’m not quite ready for all the lasts, but they’re coming regardless, so I will embrace them and enjoy them. Today was definitely a cherished day.

The ward was extremely slow today, most of the kids having had their wound checks yesterday and only a couple scheduled for theatre. I spent a large part of my day with Wednesday. His good friend had gone to theatre, so he was left without a playmate and needing some major attention. We pretended like cricket pitchers (I don’t even know if that’s the right terminology) and threw the ball back and forth down the hallway. He wore me out just watching all his energy buzzing around the unit. Sunday thrives on love. I can’t tell you how many sticky hugs and snotty kisses I received from him today. He was upset when his friend came back from surgery crying, so we spent some time just sitting together blowing bubbles. He was very sad to see us leave today, but I assured him we would be back to play next week.

For part of my playtime with Wednesday I was holding Bona (I wish I could write his real name on here because I love to say it!). He was so playful and would mimic everything that Wednesday did. It has been so great to watch how far Bona has come under Danielle’s care. He used to be a baby who just lay in his bed and watched the world pass by. But now he is so engaged and interactive. He sits up and plays and giggles and talks and mimics. It has been so great to see.

Joe and Missy came back today for physio. They looked so great! They were shy at first, but soon warmed up and I got my fair share of hugs and kisses. I was really glad to have such an uneventful day so I could spend some quality time playing and saying goodbye to them. I tried to tell Joe that I would be going home to America next week, so this was our forever goodbye. I don’t really think he got what I was saying, though. He repeated America and home and smiled really big. He did give me a big hug, though. It has been so amazing to watch him heal – physically and emotionally – during his time here. He was with me from the day I got here and has come such a long way. He used to be so withdrawn and scared. Now he is confident and full of life. It has been such an amazing transition to watch.

I also spent quite a bit of time with Lindy. She is a the little girl who had one of her legs amputated due to meningitis. She has such a sweet spirit and is always smiling and waving when we walk by. Caroline has been doing a lot of work with her and will actually be using Lindy and another girl, who had her legs amputated due to the same disease, for her case study to present to the hospital trust. The other little girl was never prepared for her amputation prior to surgery. She went in not knowing what was happening and came out with both her legs gone. Needless to say, the majority of interventions with her were centered on damage control. It’s difficult to help a little girl trust again when something like that has happened. I can only guess what she was imagining was going to happen each time she went in for surgery. Lindy on the other hand benefited from a great prep session with Caroline. They used a blank cloth doll and, with the help of a translator, performed surgery to remove the doll’s leg. Lindy was not happy with this thought (understandably so), but Caroline explained the need for her “really bad sick” leg to be removed and Lindy eventually came to understand. She has coped remarkably well since the surgery. Her story is such a contrast compared to the other little girl. There’s no doubt that Lindy will continue to encounter challenges and obstacles, but she is in the process of developing the coping skills she has gained to face those challenges as they come. It is great to see.

Tomorrow I leave for my safari in Kruger National Park, so I won’t be back on the blog until Monday night or Tuesday. Craig – the self described skinny ranger – will be waiting at the airport tomorrow to take us on our adventure. If we don’t come back, try checking with the lions! Have a great weekend! It’s your last one without me! ☺

walk in love

This morning before going to work I read Ephesians 5:2, which says, “Walk in love.” A few verses later, Ephesians 5:8 says “walk as children of light.” I decided to center my day on these two verses and focus on walking in love and light.

Today’s little revelation: you never know how someone will respond to you or your actions, or what little thing you do will make a difference in someone’s life. But as we walk in love and light, we can be assured that lives will be touched by the spirit we bring.

It’s always interesting to walk on the ward after a weekend or a holiday. Faces brighten up and begin smiling as soon as the Child Life team walks on the floor – light. One little boy saw me from the end of the hallway and set out in a dead sprint straight into my arms. He clung on to me in an amazing hug. I finally pulled away and saw that his eyes were watery. I asked what was wrong, but he just hugged me. I had spent a bit of time with this little boy and his friend on Tuesday. To me it just seemed like normal every day interventions. We played and laughed. I tried to set boundaries. They tried to push limits. There wasn’t really anything out of the ordinary. His perception of what we shared, however, was obviously much greater. The little 7-year-old boy doesn’t have any family and has come to the hospital to await surgery to remove some of the keloid scars that have formed all over his body. The small amount of love and attention I was able to share with him obviously had a much bigger effect than I ever thought it would.

After my hug session was over, I went to see why there was crying coming from the bay I had been assigned to. Mo, a 6-year-old boy I’ve been working with, was sitting in his bed, staring out his window and crying. Mo has been pretty traumatized by his experience here in the hospital. Only within the last few days has he begun to open up, laugh and play. His mother, however, is usually with him and I noticed she wasn’t around this morning. One of the sisters got Mo down from his bed and took him into the hall. I think she was trying to get him to stop crying, but it didn’t help. I followed them out and took Mo with me. He wanted to go to the end of the hall to the doors that exited off the ward. I held him up so he could look out the windows and watch for his mother. I kept reminding him that his Mother would be back, that she had only left briefly. He began to calm. I walked him back to his room and held him on my lap until his mom returned. I wasn’t really sure what Mo thought of me helping him this morning. At first he was very resistant to my attention and he never completely appeared to feel comfortable. But later today, he finished a game I had given him to play and followed me out to the hall to give it to me. His mother told me that he wanted to be sure to return it to me himself. It was a small gesture, but I took it as a symbol of the trusting relationship we have built. I was talking to some of the mothers later that day and informed them than next week would be my last week at the hospital. Mo’s mom said, “You will be missed. You are nice for the children.” Simple words, yet to me they were precious. Up until this point, I had never been sure how Mo and his mother felt about my interventions. I really didn’t think what I had been doing was making much of a difference. But as we walk in love and in light we are able to impact lives far greater than we ever imagined.

A little (I should say big) baby in my bay today was tearful when her mother stepped out to take a shower. I walked over to her and placed a block at her feet. She looked at the block and then stared at me. I tried to engage her in play, but she just kept staring at me with this “who are you and why are you not my mom” look on her face. I did everything I could think of, but nothing seemed to amuse her. Rather than scare her, which was what I thought I was doing, I left her alone. As soon as I walked away, she started to cry. I went back to her crib and this time she moved toward me like she wanted to be picked up. I held her on my lap and she rested her head against my shoulder. We played and played until her mom came back. Again my perception had been off, but as I continued to focus on walking in love (no matter what kind of response I felt like I was receiving in return) I could be used in a number of ways to bring comfort. It was a good lesson for me to learn to always walk in love and light – no matter what the response from others.

Harry, a 10-year-old boy, came in over the holiday. His family is not around, so he has been alone during his admission. Older children, even in the US, are often held to much higher expectations by staff. We forget that the hospital environment can be just as frightening to them. I could tell Harry was nervous, but trying to act beyond his years. I followed him and a sister into the treatment room for his dressing change. He was trying so hard to hold it all together, but as soon as the dressing started to be cut away he began to cry. I asked if he wanted to hold my hand and he squeezed it tight. I sat down next to him and let him lay his head against my shoulder. He only speaks Afrikaans, but I reassured him, with some English and a couple Afrikaans words, that he was brave and it was okay for him to cry. After his treatment we went back to his room and played a game of Connect Four. Again, I couldn’t really tell how deeply we were connecting – sometimes the older kids take a while longer to build that trusting relationship. Between games, I prepped Harry for theatre. He nodded that he understood, but I could tell he was worried. The porter came to pick Harry up. I walked him to the trolley. He looked up at me and asked, “Will you come with me?” Again, it was such a small request, but it verified that Harry knew my role and had learned to trust me as a support system. My role with him in theatre was very minimal. We tried to talk, but our languages were too different. I basically just held his hand and spoke with an assuring voice as he received the anesthesia and drifted off.

I think my experiment to walk in love and light today really worked. Even in those times I didn’t feel like I was making an impact, that attempt to walk out love in all situations proved effective as kids and families responded in positive ways. What a great day!

voting day

Today was Voting Day - another public holiday here in South Africa (only 2 more to go during my time here). I have heard a little about the politics involved in this day, but not enough to blog my opinions. I have actually learned to avoid political conversations most of the time - especially with cab drivers. They usually end up centered around US politics (which I hate anyway) and how George Bush started all the wars in Africa - even the ones before he was president if you can believe it. It's pretty ridiculous (even for the non-Bush supporters) to listen to and usually leads to really awkward cab rides, so we try to stick to the weather. :)

All these public holidays are not as great as they sound. I would have much rather been in the hospital with the kids, but instead spent it hiking up Table Mountain. Don't get me wrong, it was a blast and an awesome workout, but I only have 5 days left in the hospital. It was just Jamie, Danielle and I on the hike. We made it up in 1 hour 11 minutes, so we felt pretty awesome. :)

I know this is a short blog tonight, but I think I'm craving some sleep and my day really wasn't that eventful. I mean, I enjoyed it, but I'm not so sure it would be that exciting from the other side of the blog. :)

Back to work tomorrow, so more fun to come!

the little things

Any Child Life Specialist can tell you what a big difference the little things make. Letting a child sit up for a procedure, giving a patient the choice of which arm to try an IV in, allowing mom or dad to hold the child’s hand, explaining what you’re going to do before you do it, changing a word to be more child friendly: these are all little acts which can result in big differences in a child’s ability to cope and cooperate.

I was helping a little boy finish up with his dressing change today when Lindy was carried in for her dressing. She saw the boy I was working with was tearful and immediately began to cry. Unfortunately there is not the time, nor the space here to keep treatments private. There are often 2 or 3 children having their dressings changed at one time. There aren’t curtains to close, so the kids end up watching the other children and seeing their wounds. It definitely makes the experience scarier for many of them. Lindy’s mom laid her on the table and I stepped in to provide support and ease the transition away from her mom. Lindy recently had one of her legs amputated due to meningitis. Her other leg is severely infected and the doctors are fighting to keep it. Her dressing change today was for the wound on her nonamputated leg. Lindy cried when her mom stepped away, aware of her treatment to come. She laid on the table and looked at me with scared eyes. She only speaks Xhosa, but I spoke to her anyway, trying to put her at ease with the sound of my voice. I walked over to her and helped her sit up. I positioned myself behind her on the bed and allowed her to lean against me with my arm around her in a protective embrace. She calmed immediately. She remained calm throughout the whole procedure, sometimes watching the removal of the old bandages, sometimes blowing bubbles. The simple act of allowing her to sit up made a huge difference in her ability to cope. Often times kids are made to lay down because staff think they are more cooperative or easier to hold or that’s just the way they have always done it. However, if you think about it, the simple act of laying down puts you in a very vulnerable position. Imagine laying down, not being able to see what was going on and being expected to just trust that the painful event being done to you was somehow helping you get better. Pretty scary. The simple act of allowing a child to sit up for a procedure gives them control, comfort, and aids in their cooperation. Lindy was a perfect example of this. I was so proud of her!

I’ve decided one of my favorite moments here is when a child sneaks out his or her first smile. There seems to be a transition period when the kids are too sick or too scared to engage, laugh and smile. But with consistent support they finally reach that moment when they slip out a smile. It’s so much fun to see! Sometimes that one smile opens a flood gate of happiness and laughter and everyone looks on in amazement. Other times it takes a few more days of trust building and support to finally release unrestrained smiles, but eventually all the kids have reached that smiling point. I had a couple "first smile" experiences today and it made me so happy. One little boy who had been so quiet and reserved laughed and played for quite a while today. He even waved goodbye to me when I left. It may seem like a small success, but these are some of my most treasured moments.

The one word that all the kids learn very quickly to say in English is “bubbles.” I don’t know what I ever did at home without bubbles strapped to my neck. These kids can play forever with a tiny bottle of bubbles. They blow them, pop them, spill them, play alone, play in groups, fight over them. Bubbles are seriously my best friends. It has never been easier to build rapport. I just walk up, blow a bubble and am immediately best friends with a patient and his parent. Kids who have been away from the hospital and come back for outpatient clinic come running up to us as soon as they walk through the door. For a brief moment I humor myself enough to think they are excited to see me, but then they plunge for the purple dolphin hanging from my neck and scream “BUBBLES!” instantly bursting my personal bubble. ☺ The lack of bubble mania in the US will definitely be one of my biggest adjustments.

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I’ve decided everyone in Cape Town is in marketing. Whether it’s the guy in the mini bus hollering “Cape Town!” while hanging out the window, or the “stranded visitor” trying to scam you out of your money – everyone has a marketing scheme and a story to sell you at a negotiable price. There is no greater place to witness the world of marketing than the market – I just realized that’s probably where the name came from! ☺ Unfortunately, all the vendors appear to have gotten their degree from the same university and therefore have the same marketing plan. I can’t tell you how many times I have been the “first customer of the day” and therefore entitled to a discount price. Every tent I went to said the same thing. “Take your time. Free to look. I give you good price. Special price for you.” I must be the luckiest girl in the world because I happened upon every special offer there was today! I started to determine whether or not I was going to buy things from people based on the originality of their marketing gig. I can’t tell you how tempted I was to buy the candle from the guy who told me, “Don’t walk in the dark,” just because it was one I hadn’t heard yet. Needless to say, I am definitely not the best market shopper. I feel horrible about haggling and even worse when I don’t buy things. So I bought a couple things I knew I wanted and decided try get up my nerve to try again another day.

People keep asking me what I miss most about the US (other than the obvious friends and family). I have to tell you it’s kind of hard to make that list. Cape Town pretty much has all the amenities of home, but I have come up with a very short list of some of the small items…

1. Being able to walk without having my ninja moves ready and waiting to spring on any unsuspecting mugger. Along with this is the paranoia that sets in every now and then which drives me crazy. Today I freaked out in the market thinking my wallet had been stolen from the purse I had been clutching the whole time. I thought it must have been a pretty amazing pickpocket until I remembered I’d left my wallet at home for that very reason.

2. Being able to tip my waiter based on how well they keep my water glass filled. Asking for tap water makes me feel like I have a horn growing out of my forehead and getting the glass filled up again is relatively unheard of. One waitress actually brought us a pitcher of water the other day – she received a very large tip. ☺

3. Paying for electricity after you use it – not before. The opposite is true for cell phones and internet.

5. Having the right of way when crossing the street. Pedestrians NEVER have the right of way here…even in cross walks. The little green walking man may be beckoning you across the street, but what he isn’t tell you is that car that’s about to turn the corner doesn’t really care that you’re half way across the street. In fact, he finds it necessary to speed up and lay on his horn just to remind you that you do NOT have the right away. You literally take your life in your hands every time you step off the curb.

That’s the top 5 at this point in my day. ☺ Seriously though. I love this place and I have a far greater list of things I will miss from here than things I can complain about. It’s a beautiful city and I have to go now so that I can take advantage of my last few opportunities to experience it.

stepping in for a moment

From Friday 17 April

The kids were in a very peculiar mood today. Joe was especially grumpy – fighting with the other kids and totally testing his limits. I have a suspicion it had to do with him having to share my attention with other kids, since it seemed to peek at times when other kids were sitting on my lap. It caused quite a scene during our attempted playgroup though. One minute all the kids are having a blast and the next their flipping each other off and saying words in Afrikaans that I’m are not nice words. I know most of their frustration comes from having to share when they are used to not having much. It’s a difficult concept to be teaching them. At one point today I had to put Othathali and Joe in their beds (which are over sized cribs) with the rails up and the curtain drawn. I think we had all just had enough. Taking a timeout from them did give me some time to give some personal attention to Missy though. That made her happy. She came alive again, smiling and laughing with me. I was glad to see that positive turn around.

Othathali was discharged today and Joe calmed down a lot after she left. At one point he was sitting in bed singing to himself. I heard him singing the “Cast your burdens. Come to Jesus, for He cares for you…. Higher, higher, higher, higher, etc.” song. You know the one I’m talking about? Everyone sings it when they come back from Africa. Anyway, I had learned it from my cousin when she came back from Africa, so I started singing it with him. He was so excited that I knew the song. After that he sang, “I’ve got peace like a river.” It was really fun to sit there and sing with him. I absolutely love African voices singing – especially the kids. It was also a neat connection to make with Joe. When a patient makes it apparent that they cope with spiritual tools, it opens a door to offer ministry that I’m not always allowed to give, which is a neat connection.

Friday night Tami, Caroline and I set out for our “Girls Weekend.” Tami and I thought it was funny to call it that – since we don’t have any other kinds of weekends here, but the concept was the same. ☺ We rented a car and drove to Stellenbosch. It’s an adorable little town out in the vineyards. We settled in at a little hotel and ate at a really cute bistro before calling it a night.


From Saturday 18 April

We woke up Saturday and explored Stellenbosch. It’s an adorably quaint town with lots of shops and restaurants. It felt so peaceful after the hustle and bustle of the city. No matter how much I’ve tried to blend in to this city – I am definitely a country girl at heart.

After exploring the town, we continued on the rest of our road trip around the cape. It was a little rainy, but still beautiful. Along our drive we passed by some of the townships in the area. This was the first time I had the opportunity to observe life in these areas. It’s very different from the city. People live in tiny tin houses crammed together. It’s very dirty and not very safe. My one regret about this trip was that I didn’t get the opportunity to get in and work in the townships. It’s not a place you can go on your own and the opportunity didn’t present itself, so I have to accept that perhaps it wasn’t the place for me this time. Danielle, one of our new CLS’s, however is going to start burn outreach and education programs to some of these areas so I’m really excited to see how that turns out. There is so much poverty in these townships and they stretch for miles and miles. It made such an impact on me just to see them.

We stopped at a number of beach, fishing, cape towns along our route, taking our time and exploring what the area had to offer. We visited the penguins at Boulder Beach. They were everywhere! We ended up in Simon’s Town and stumbled upon the cutest bed and breakfast - Cornerhouse. The French woman that owned it was named Briggitt and she took us in for the night.

Oh! I almost forgot! I was able to drive on the left side of the road today for the first time ever. The hardest part was remembering the turn signal was on the right side instead of the left. I only turned the windshield wipers on a few times trying to trade lanes. ☺ It was almost weirder to drive after not doing so for 6 weeks than it was to be driving on the left side of the road. I had a fun time (not sure if Caroline and Tami felt the same way)! ☺

From Sunday 19 April

Sunday we woke up to find the cape totally covered in dense fog and rain. We had planned this to be the day we took the big trip down to Cape Point and the Cape of Good Hope. We were slightly bummed, but decided to proceed as planned – regretting that we hadn’t brought the appropriate rain gear with us. After a breakfast of coddled eggs, we headed to the tip of the continent (well – the southwestern most tip at least). It rained most of the time, but the fog lifted enough ever now and then for us to see where we were and add just a bit of mysteriousness to the morning.

At Cape Point we found a trail out to the old lighthouse, but the sign said it was a dangerous trail and would take 1.5 hours to complete, so we didn’t take it. I was pretty bummed because I felt like I hadn’t really been to the tip of the cape unless I walked to the end. We all had flip flops on and the fog kept rolling in and out, so we decided it wasn’t safe. When we got to the gift shop, though, I asked one of the workers about the trail. She said it wasn’t dangerous, we could do it in 40 mins out and back, and our flip-flops would be just fine. We made sure she knew what we looked like before leaving for the hike – just in case. ☺ We kept thinking what a great scary movie the three of us would make, but thankfully we made it to the end and back – in the 40 minutes without any problems. The fog even lifted enough for us to see some of the other mountain ranges. Caroline commented that God must have lifted the fog for us because by the time we got back it had settled back over our path. We were very grateful.


After Cape Point we drove to the Cape of Good Hope – the most southwestern tip of Africa. Some people think it’s the most southern, but if you look at a map you see it’s not – hence the most southwestern. It was so beautiful to watch the waves crashing against the rock…and to feel so close to Antarctica. ☺

We continued our trip along the cape – watching baboons and ostriches along the way. It was such a wonderful time with my good friends. We were discussing on the way back how amazing it is that just a few weeks ago we didn’t know each other and now we are great friends. It has been such a blessing. I told them how worried I was about the friends I would make on this trip, and that they had been a wonderful answer to my prayers. I can’t say again how thankful I am for them and for the wonderful time we’ve been able to spend together.

From today, 20 April 2009

My last Monday at the hospital (next week is – you guessed it – another holiday!). I was able to spend some quality play time with a couple of the boys and saw some amazing turn arounds. Play has become such an integral tool for me here. I know that’s what CLS is all about, but sometimes at home some tend to shay away from that role because other see it as – “just playing with the kids.” But when you understand the importance of play, the purpose it serves, and the impact it has on kids and their ability to heal, you realize that there is no greater tool than the ability to “just play.” So I have embraced that role in my work here and hope to take it back to the US in full force. ☺ The 2 boys I played with today had really rough weeks last week. One of them, Will, had spent last week just lying in his bed. He didn’t want to play, but would just lay and let people rub his legs. Today, he was full of play! He laughed and sat with me, read books, and blew tons of bubbles! It was so amazing to watch his interactions and see what a difference had occurred in him. The other little boy I had mostly worked with in dressing changes. He never really seemed very fond of playing with me. I think he associated me with the treatment room and didn’t enjoy that reminder. But today we were able to make huge play strides. He read books, blew bubbles, and laughed and played in ways he hasn’t done since he’s been here. It will be interesting to see how his dressing goes tomorrow. Now that I’ve had the opportunity to build that trusting play relationship, I hope he can accept my support in the treatment room as well. It was amazing to see and an awesome reminder of the power of play!

I’m having quite the range of emotions as I prepare to leave this place. This South Africa Project is not mine. I was just here to provide support to those who are developing the program. However, it’s difficult to come and invest yourself in something and then walk completely away from it, never knowing if it will cross your path again. But as I’ve struggled with this – I’ve realized this experience is not about me – it never has been. This experience is about the opportunity to touch the lives of others and lift them up. If that means stepping in for a moment and then stepping away for a lifetime, then I am thankful for that opportunity. I’ve learned the importance of not lifting myself up, but lifting up others. Not worrying about my own success, but how to help others succeed. I think in the world I come from, we focus so much on our own successes and how to get ahead. But while I’ve been here, I’ve been learning the lesson of how much greater joy comes when we help others succeed and when we lift them up. I know that my life lies open before me. I trust that as I turn it over to God, He will continue to guide me through this fabulous adventure of life in ways far greater than I ever imagined!

p.s.

Mom, Erin, and anyone else who reads my blog so diligently and worries when I don't write,

I will be out of town this weekend. Caroline, Tami and I are driving to the Cape of Good Hope. I won't be back until Sunday night, so I won't be blogging all weekend.

Just thought you'd like to know. :)

2 weeks notice

Today I am officially giving my two weeks notice. Two weeks from today will be my last day working at the Red Cross Children’s Hospital in Cape Town, South Africa. Wow. Writing that feels very real. I’ve known in my head that the end is coming, but my heart is just starting to realize it so I cry pretty easily these days. I apologize that every blog entry from here on out will probably begin with a very similar statement about the ever-nearing end of this journey. Thanks to all of you who have traveled with me. I know some of you will miss my daily ramblings (others probably can’t wait for them to be over!), but hopefully this is only a pause in my adventures and there will be more to come in my life (whether at home or abroad). I am very excited to head home and see you all. I have missed you very much. But I know I will also leave part of myself here in Africa when I go. It sounds very cliché, but these kids have definitely captured my heart and it is very difficult to face leaving that behind.

(I really can’t see what I’m writing right now because the tears are coming full force now, so give me a minute to regroup…)

Joe and Missy were readmitted to the hospital today. They are the siblings I’ve worked with from the day I got here who have totally won my heart. When Joe got to the unit he saw me at the end of the hall. A big smile spread on his face and he ran to greet and hug me. Before I knew what he was doing, he’d planted a big wet one right on my lips (not something I’ve ever let a kid in the hospital do, but it came out of nowhere and caught me off guard). Missy was much more reserved. She looked extremely cautious when she walked on the floor. There was no grand hello from her. She just walked up to me and stood between my legs. She was connected to me for most of the rest of the day – either when I was holding her or she was just standing near enough to touch me. The hospital is such a scary place for her and she needs a little time to readjust to her surroundings.

Othathali went to surgery again today. She has made such improvements in the few weeks we’ve been working together. She was pretty sleepy for surgery today, so I just had her stay laying on her cot when we rolled into theatre. When the mask started blowing air on her face, she turned her head, buried it in the cot and fell back asleep. Rather than fight with her, the doctors simply covered her head with the blanket and placed the tubing inside with her to create a tent with the anesthesia pumping into it. It took a little longer, but it totally worked and Othathali was able to fall asleep peacefully. Have I mentioned how much I love these doctors?!

I’ve been thinking lately of all the encouraging messages I receive from home. Some tell me things like – you’re exactly the right person to be doing this, or we couldn’t have sent anyone better. But I need to take a moment to clarify that for everyone. There is absolutely nothing special about me when it comes to doing this job. There a million of Child Life Specialists more capable of providing better interventions for these kids and education for the staff. I can think of a number of people from my hospital alone who I have wished were here instead of me to provide the care these kids needs. Anyone could be doing the things that I am doing here. The only thing that separates me, and the others here with me, from the others is that we chose to come. We saw a need that we thought we might be able to assist with and we allowed ourselves to be used. We found a need and placed ourselves in a place to meet it – despite our potential inadequacies. As you’ve read in my blog, the interventions that I’ve been able to provide aren’t amazing. The majority of the time, I’m just here to hold a hand, to speak an encouraging word, to offer a shoulder to cry on, or an opportunity to laugh and forget the stress of this place. But because I have been here, and because the need is so great, those opportunities have turned in to life changing experiences. The awesome thing is – anyone can do this, in any place, at any time. You don’t have to come to Africa. You don’t have to work with burn patients. You just have to be able to step into a situation when see a need and allow yourself to be used to fill it.

Today I was on my way out the door when I remembered a couple of stacking cups I had left in a patient’s bed. Since they aren’t technically a big item, I considered testing my luck and hope they were there in the morning. But for some reason it nagged on me and I decided I needed to get them today. I went back to the bay and found that Joe had been taken to the treatment room to have his clips (staples which hold the graft in place) removed. He had been scheduled to have this done in theatre the next day, so I had no idea that it would be going on. I went to the treatment room and found him screaming in pain and fear. Once again, I didn’t use my 6 years of schooling to fish out an amazing trick to make his pain go away. At that point there was really nothing I could do for his pain. The resources are so limited that often kids are just asked to cope with things far beyond what children should have to cope with. So, I sat down and just grabbed the hand he was holding out to me. He looked at me with longing eyes. I sat next to him, put my arm around him and let him bury his head in my shoulder and just cry and scream. There was nothing magical about my intervention. It didn’t make the pain go away. But having someone willing to step into that moment, gave him enough strength to make it through. After his treatment, Joe and I went back to his room. He was quiet and tearful and just wanted to lie in his bed. I helped him up and told him how proud I was of him. I reached into my pocket and pulled out some Superman stickers I’d stashed there that morning. He took them and a huge smile lit up his face. “Superman,” he said. I smiled back and said, “You are Superman.” He laughed and said, “Joe. Superman.” He put his fist in the air as if he were flying. I realized in that moment there was absolutely nothing special about me. The true heroes in this story are the kids that deal with these traumas every day. They are the ones who will continue to be here long after I have gone. They will continue to face their fears daily and come out victorious. And hopefully, we as Child Life Specialists and medical staff get the opportunity to walk with them along the way. Joe, you are Superman.

finding my voice

Today I found my voice in the treatment room. It was a busy Wednesday – the busiest we have had. There were 20 outpatients kids and 15 inpatients. I estimated that I did about 25 procedures supports. It was so busy, but it was an amazing day. At times there were 3 kids, each with a sister and a CLS getting their dressing changed at the same time, but I was able to find my voice today and speak up for the kids. We all worked hard today to advocate for comfort holds. Whenever possible we would suggest a more comfortable way to hold and position the children. By the end of the day, the sisters were asking us to hold the children on our laps, or instructing the mothers to hand the kids to us because we would comfort them during the treatment. It was so thrilling to see.

I also spoke up to help deescalate a stressful situation by reminding the sisters that the little girl’s response was not because she was being defiant, but because she was scared. I’m not sure if they agreed with me, but they did soften their approach and what could have been a high stress situation was diffused quickly. It’s often hard for me to find my voice in those situations because my role is to advocate for the child, but to do so without alienating other staff. To find my voice successfully in that situation was a very empowering feeling.

One little girl stood up during her dressing changes and just clung to my neck. I couldn’t pry her off. I took her back to her bed and she was so sweet and smiling. I walked by later and she was crying. A doctor was standing by her bed and said she didn’t know what was wrong with the little girl. I asked if she wanted to be picked up and she raised her arms toward me. I picked her up and again she just clung to my neck. She held on so tightly that at one point I thought she was going to choke me. I tried to move her, but that just made her hold on tighter. She began to calm and the other mothers commented that it was finally peaceful. One mother noted that “they just need comforted.” It’s so true. So much of what these children need is just someone to hold them and make them feel safe in this threatening environment. She began to fall asleep and I tried to adjust her in my arms, but every time I moved (even though she was asleep) she would cling to me tighter, so I remained with her and just gave her the opportunity to feel safe.

Later today we were discussing how the day had gone with the Child Life team. It was an extremely busy day and we all felt as though we’d been pulled in a million different directions. It is both emotionally and physically exhausting to assist in these treatments, but at the end of the day we all felt the positive experiences and improvements far outweighed any negative. We counted it as a very successful day.

I also decided today that maybe it’s a good thing I decided to stay with Child Life and not pursue my nursing path at this time. A sister gave me some medicine to give to a child through a syringe. Normally this would not be something I would do at home, but when there is such limited staff, everyone has to end up helping out with somethings they normally wouldn't. I do have my limits of course, and won’t do anything that could be perceived as potentially threatening to a child, so I only give meds when they kids are willing recipients. Anyway, the little boy I was holding was sucking on the syringe as I slowly pushed the meds into his mouth. It became difficult to push the syringe further so I took it out of his mouth to see what was wrong. There was quite a bit of air at the front of the syringe, so I pointed it up and tried to push a little of the air out. It wouldn’t budge, so I pushed a bit harder. All of a sudden there was a pop and the brown meds went spraying up into air all over the ceiling. I started laughing as the meds began raining down around me. I called Danielle in to look at the ceiling and asked her if she thought it looked like a significant amount of meds. We both just laughed and laughed. Guess I’ll stick to Child Life. ☺

This evening I went to my first ever book reading. It was held at the little bookshop on the corner by my apartment. The book is “Invisible Earthquake” by Malika Lueen Ndlovu. It is a collection of poems documenting the authors experience with stillbirth. It is a pretty powerful book and gives voice to a topic that is often suffered through in silence. The description of the grieving process was especially moving. It offers hope and healing and, while I haven’t read the whole thing, the parts that were read tonight were wonderful. I went up to Malika afterwards to tell her how much I appreciated her readings and how the book had meaning in my roles as a CS. As I was walking home, I realized that I had actually gone up and talked to this woman – something my shy self would not usually do. I think I might actually be growing up here – and finally finding my voice.