I’ve found it much more difficult to journal and blog on this trip. I feel the responsibility to record these experiences, but definitely not the desire. I’ve decided it’s because my motive for being here is different on this trip. My first trip definitely became one of self discovery in both my personal and professional life. This trip I have so many different hats to wear, it’s sometimes difficult to process anything for myself, which is totally fine - my purpose here it to provide a learning opportunity for my students, and it is definitely not about me. I do feel the pressure to not only provide child life learning experiences, but to help them learn about themselves and the world around them. I’ve had to remind myself that the best way to allow that to happen is by exposing them to the new and challenging opportunities, and allow the learning process to naturally occur. While my natural tendency is then to tell them what fruit that experience should produce in their lives, I realize that the most meaningful changes come through self-discovery, not through someone telling you what to do. The challenge comes with creating the safe and supportive environment with exposure to the right experiences in order for them to come to meaningful conclusions on their own. I guess that’s what this teaching thing is all about, though. 

The students continue to excel at their work at the hospital and the “home for physically disabled children.” I wish that I could write more about their experiences there, but I am sensitive to protecting the stories of those with whom we are working. I will tell you that on Tuesday we were able to meet with the creative therapies team at Red Cross. They are a team of massage, art, music and movement therapists. They do great work at that hospital and are working every day to support the psychosocial needs of the kids at the hospital. During our visit, the pain nurse mentioned that a mother had stopped her to talk about about one of our students. She shared that this student had provided play for her daughter at bedside. During this play experience, the mother saw her child smile for the first time since she had been hospitalized. In fact, they named the doll the girl had made “Smile” to commemorate the child’s break through moment. It was in this moment that the mother said she was able to see the daughter she knew, and not the sick, scared girl who had taken her place in the hospital. It was a very powerful moment for that student to see the positive impact she had made on a child through the power of play. We aren’t always able to see the outcome of the interactions we have with children, but in this moment we were able to celebrate with this family and our child life students. 

Along with all the hard work at the hospital, we had plenty of time for fun this week as well. 

On Tuesday afternoon, Caroline and I headed to Kirstenbosh Botanical Gardens with some of the girls. It’s one of my favorite spots in Cape Town. I just love the beautiful scenery and it has some great photo ops. The wind and the cold made our outing even more of an adventure. 

Teaching Caroline to master the jumping shot. 

Thursday, we headed back down to the Waterfront after work to head to Robben Island for our tour. Unfortunately, as we were sitting waiting for the ferry, they canceled our trip due to winds. We were very disappointed, but we will reschedule our tour for another day. 

Caroline and I were able to stay down at the Waterfront to meet up with our friend Martha and her family for dinner. Martha was a child life specialist at Children’s Mercy with us and moved to South Africa last summer for her husband’s work. It was so great to see her and to hear how well she is adjusting to her life in South Africa. I know the move was not an easy decision for her, and I’m so proud of the way she has embraced this adventure for her and her family. 

Friday and Saturday was the big “safari.” Excitement was definitely in the air as we gathered early Friday morning to make the four hour drive to our game reserve. The drive along the Garden Route was beautiful and once we got out of Cape Town, the weather became beautiful as well. We were able to go on a night game drive when we got to the reserve. It was definitely the most emotion filled ride I’d ever been on. 

One of many game drive pictures. 

We divided into two groups. Caroline and I traveled with three of the students and headed out to find all of our favorite African animals. Our vehicle was most excited about the giraffes, the elephants, and the lions. What we didn’t realize was that the most entertaining animal, and the one we would spend the most time with that evening, would be the ostrich. 

As we crested one of the hills, we saw what looked like a woman in a black dress doing the can-can. Our ranger informed us that it was a male ostrich doing his mating dance. It was quite entertaining. But the fun didn’t end then. All of a sudden we saw him catch the eye of a cute little female ostrich. He took off after her, and our ranger sped down the hill after them. We weren’t really sure what to expect when it came to the mating ritual of ostriches, but we sure saw it all. The male ostrich soon took his position and was happily doing his thing. When all of a sudden, out of no where, another male ostrich came running and totally bulldozed the two boofing ostriches. Birds and feathers were flying. The blind sided and now enraged male ostrich jumped to his feet and took off chasing after another male ostrich - the hilarious part was that it was the wrong guy. He was totally chasing after an innocent bystander. That poor ostrich took off running.  He had a look of fear and total confusion in his eye. I was picturing him looking over his shoulder yelling, “It wasn’t me. You’ve got the wrong guy. For real, let’s just calm down and talk this out.” But there’s no use reasoning with an angry, horny ostrich. It was during this chase and perceived conversation that the ostrich being pursued totally wiped out. He was running down a hill and just totally bit it! Face planting right into the ground. The guy had to have a bloody beak for sure. He jumped back up and kept on running, but I’m not really sure what happened because at this point I was doubled over with tears running down my face. It was hilarious. Even our guide was shaking with laughter. I can’t even make it through this story without laughing. It was live animal bloopers at it best. Best moment of the safari by far. Caroline loved it so much, she wants to buy a painting of an ostrich in an ascot. Not sure what the ascot has to do with it, but it seems appropriate nonetheless. 

Our fearless driver safely returned all the
members of our vehicle back to camp. 

There must have been something in the water this weekend, or perhaps it was just the added estrogen in the air from a group of 14 women on safari. Either way, it felt like I was trapped in an episode of Animal Planet does the dirty. We were “blessed” to encounter the mating rituals of giraffes and a number of other wild species before the day was done. 

We ended our evening being chased by a female lion. No joke. It was super scary - one of our passengers may have even relieved herself during the pursuit. We obviously got away and were later told that since these lions had been rescued from a hunting reserve they weren’t used to running long distances and don’t kill to eat - they just kill for fun. But my memory of the event is a huge lion sprinting after our jeep and her giant head flying toward us with her mouth wide open. 

The rest of our stay at the game reserve was definitely enjoyable, but a little less dramatic. 

We are back to Cape Town  now and gearing up for our final week in Sough Africa. I can’t believe how quickly it’s gone. We still have plenty of items on our list of things to do, so it will definitely be a busy week. Hoping we can find the balance between cramming it all in and giving ourselves the opportunity to slow down and really allow this experience to make a lasting and sustainable impact. 

For all of you questing whether I'm doing any work on this trip,
here I am grading journals. :) 

I'm back!

Five years ago...I took a leap of faith. Stopped talking about what I wished I could do. Put my big girl panties on. And finally did it. I have never been the same. 

6 days ago...I returned to the country that changed the way I thought, changed the way I worked, and changed the way I lived. But this time I brought along one of my best friends and mentors. Oh, and 12 excited and nervous college students. My hope was that they, too would be changed. 

* * * *

From the moment I left South Africa in 2009, I have dreamed about the day I would return. In August, when I accepted a job at Missouri State University, as a child life instructor, I knew my moment had come to return. 

So at 4:45 AM on Sunday, May 18, my friend Katy (shout out!) dragged herself out of bed to drive me to the airport. On the way we picked up my good friend Caroline. Caroline was my supervisor when I was a child life intern - and his been one of my best friends and mentors ever since. She has always been one of my biggest cheerleaders in life - and is also the one that can slap me upside the head when I start to do or think something stupid. So I couldn’t imagine going on this adventure with anyone else. 

We met the girls at the airport and began our journey to Cape Town, South Africa. The flight was relatively uneventful. We traveled for over 30 hours, but arrived with all of our party and our luggage in tact , so I felt the first task was a success. 

We spent the first day settling in to Cape Town. Jess from Connect 123 oriented us to the program and the city. Then I took the girls on a short walking tour to some nearby spots. I was amazed at my ability to remember my way around the city - or at least to fake it enough that the girls couldn’t tell the difference. I introduced them to the Company Gardens and Long Street and taught them a few Cape Townian lessons along the way...like how cars don’t stop for pedestrians and how not to take objects from strangers. 

That evening we were introduced to some traditional African dishes at the Africa Cafe. We even had our faces painted by our waitress. All the girls had beautiful symbols painted on their faces. I, on the other hand, was given a giant question mark. I’m still not sure the meaning behind that???

Then on Wednesday, we began our work at the Red Cross Children’s Hospital (our real reason for traveling half way across the world). We were able to meet Lauren from Lionhearted Kids who oriented us to our role in the hospital for the next three weeks. Lauren has been working very hard to establish a strong program to bridge the gap in psychosocial services for the most needy of kids in South Africa. We were able to raise over $6,000 for her program (thanks so much to all who donated) prior to our arrival and have already been able to see the good it will be able to do long after we are gone. 

After the Red Cross orientation, Caroline and I took the girls back to our apartment for an opportunity to debrief. We could tell they were overwhelmed. Not only had they just been dropped into an entirely  new culture, they were being asked to jump in to working in an a very different hospital environment. But they processed well and decided that our theme for the next day would be to “Let it go.” Let go of preconceived notions, let go of what you think you know, let go of fear, let go of nerves...just let go and be present in the moment, and appreciate it for what it is. Our brains naturally make comparisons between new and familiar experiences. We start to categorize and compare...and then we shift to what deciding what is better or worse. The challenge is to appreciate new moments for what they are, and not get caught up in what they aren’t. 

Thursday was the our first day at Red Cross...and the ladies were AWESOME! I can’t tell you how proud I was. They jumped into the opportunity given them with poise and confidence. I had a number of proud teacher moments as I would walk through the halls and see them breaking communication barriers with the universal language of play. One student pulled me aside with tears in her eyes and pointed into room she had just come out of. The children were out of their beds laughing and interacting with one another. 

She told me that she “got it.” All this year I have been pounding into their heads the power of play. And now she was seeing it for herself. There really is nothing more powerful then we as adults communicate with children through their favorite language - play. The fact that these students were already seeing that on the first day of our volunteering makes me so excited to see what other understandings will be revealed to them throughout the remainder of this trip. 

Friday we had the opportunity to go to Maitland Cottage. Maitland Cottage is a home for children needing medical care. We were introduced to the children by the head matron. She walked us through the boys wing and the girls wing. After our tour, we divided into 2 groups and began to play. It was so much fun! Again, the students impressed me with their ability to jump right in and play without hesitation. The students walked away with extremely powerful experiences at this site. We were only scheduled to be there one day our whole trip, but have asked to return a few more times before our time in Cape Town has ended. I wish I had the time to write more about this experience, but I’m so tired and already getting bored of writing this entry, so I can only imagine how you all feel reading it. :) 

Friday night, we headed up Lion’s Head. I told everyone it was a relatively easy hike and so we planned to head up in time for sunset. I guess 5 years is a long time, because I was informed multiple times up the mountain, that this hike was indeed not easy. Evidently one of the groups was even plotting how to throw me off the mountain. Oops. :) But everyone made it to the top. And the breathe taking views were well worth it in the end. 

Saturday was our trip to Boulder Beach for the penguins, and Cape Point for a cold, wet, windy tour of the most southwesterly point of Africa. 

And finally...today. :) Whew! I know this has been a long blog, but I guess that’s what happens when you wait a whole week to write. I apologize to all who have endured this far. You can blame my mother who I am sure is enjoying every moment of this play by play. :) 

Sunday - today - we took a tour of Langa, one of the townships in Cape Town. Our tour guide was MC. He grew up in Langa and was able to share some great history and stories. The tour definitely put the students outside of their comfort zone. But that’s what traveling and learning is all about. How boring life would be if we only did what was comfortable (I try to remind myself of that every time I have to call a cab). 

My favorite part of the Langa tour was Guga S’thebe. It’s an amazing arts and crafts center in Langa. But it’s so much more than that! Artists can work from the center free of charge - using the space and equipment (kilns, etc.) in exchange for teaching young people their trade. What an awesome sustainable, community oriented answer to the some of the unemployment issues facing this township. 

We also had a chance to worship in one of the local churches, and dig into a pile of meat at a braai before heading back home for the day. 

I encouraged the students to really take some time this afternoon/evening to process the thoughts going through their mind after our tour today. I think the biggest thought that I keep returning to is: I have been given so much in my life, yet I am grateful for so little. And in this world I have had the chance to know those who have been given so little, and yet are grateful for so much. 

So, as I pause at the end of this day (and at the end of this blog entry) and reflect on this past week, my commitment is to be grateful, in each moment. Grateful for those times when God has blessed me with what I need. And grateful for those moments when he as withheld from what what I wanted. Grateful for moments to see the world and travel. And grateful for a place to call home. Grateful for moments of safety and familiarity. And grateful for moments that press me into places I may not want to go. Grateful for the opportunity to teach, and grateful for the opportunity to learn - even when it means learning those things about myself that are hard to acknowledge. I am grateful.

“Gratitude turns what we have into enough.”

final interactions

I have been avoiding this blog entry, I think since the day I arrived here. This will be my last entry from Cape Town, South Africa. Many of you have asked if I will continue blogging after I get back to the US. I will, I’m sure in the week to come, record my feelings as I begin to realize what I’ve experienced and actually have time to sit and process the difference it has made in my life. I’m not sure what will happen from there. I really don’t know where life will lead me from this point. I’m trusting, however, that whether I am in some foreign country around the world or at home in the Midwest, my life will continue to be a great adventure. So, check back every now and then. Perhaps you’ll stumble upon something worth reading (no promises, though!).

It has been very hard for me to sit down and record my feelings and experiences from this last week. I keep writing words and deleting them – not able to fully express what I’m feeling and not really sure myself what emotions are stirring up inside me. I feel very disconnected from the words I’m writing, so please bare with me as I attempt to sort through them while I share some of my final interactions from the week.

Tuesday, 28 April

The Pain Management Team had a goodbye tea for Taylor and I this morning. My favorite part about tea is the excuse it gives you to eat rich chocolate desserts at 10 in the morning. It was very nice to hear the kind words from everyone. They have so embraced this project and it has been such an honor to be a part of it. I had a whole speech ready to share about how I came to Africa to teach about Child Life, but have learned so much more in return. Unfortunately, in true Cara fashion, I started crying the moment I sat down and was only able to squeeze out a few “thank you so much” s. I think I did manage to say that the changes occurring in South Africa would ripple into other areas of the world, including the change it has made in me that I hope to take home and apply to my own work with patients and families. But then I started crying again and decided to focus on eating the cake sisters instead.

Missy and Joe were back for an outpatient visit again. Missy was in such a good mood. She was playing and laughing and talking. It was so great. At one point, she was sitting on my lap, giggling and blowing bubbles. One of the sisters walked by and asked Missy a question in Afrikaans. Missy smiled really big, nodded and said something back. The sister told me she’d asked Missy if she was really glad to see me today. Missy said that she was. It was really nice to hear. Missy can be so reserved sometimes and we don’t speak the same language, so sometimes it’s hard to know how she feels about our interactions. As I prepare to leave, it was nice to know that Missy had been positively affected by our time together.

Wednesday, 29 April

Another goodbye and another excuse for a tea. This morning we said goodbye to the C2 staff at tea after ward rounds. Prof said some really nice things about the Child Life project. He is the one who wasn’t totally sold on our involvement when we first started, but has now become one of our biggest supporters. He usually sights our presence in theatre as one of the biggest impacts we’ve made; claiming the children are much calmer and cooperative when we’re there. He recently attended a meeting in Durban where he gave a two hour presentation. Thirty minutes of that time was spent talking about Child Life and what he calls “complimentary medicine.” It was just so exciting to see the transformation of someone unsure of our presence on the ward to someone spreading the word about Child Life around South Africa. Later that day Prof also asked if we could process the length of stay a couple of boys will have to endure at the hospital. They will be there for approximately 2 months away from their families. Prof wanted us to use play to help them understand that and work through their feelings. How awesome is that?! He really gets what we do!!

Prof went on in his speech to talk about the ward. He mentioned how wonderful C2 was because the staff works as a true team. There is no hierarchy. Each profession is respected and valued for the expertise they bring and everyone is treated with the same respect. Sometimes that means everyone is equally rude to each other, but at least they’re all treated the same. ☺ Seriously though, that is the one thing I have appreciated so much that until this moment I hadn’t been able to put my finger on. When each member of the team is truly respected and given voice, they are freed to perform their greatest works, and the patients truly benefit. I’m not saying the ward is perfect, there are definitely challenges to bringing change, but for the most part, people have bee so open to new ideas and experiences. I hope that I can remain open in my own work to accept those ideas and suggestions of others, and in turn have the confidence to speak my own ideas with confidence.

I found myself speaking up a number of times to advocate for the kids. Situations like these have filled me with a confidence to go back and do my job well, to speak up and not be afraid; to have courage and confidence to do my job; to create a team where people aren’t afraid to talk to each other – no matter their position.

Thursday, 20 May

Today was my last day at the hospital; my day of final interactions. It was very bitter sweet. I had some wonderful play opportunities with the kids. I did about 4 surgery preps and 2 procedures supports in my first hour of the day. The kids were responding so well. It was the perfect way to end my time here. A number of kids came in today to receive their pressure garments, including Joe and Missy. It was kind of a neat ending to my time here, to see the kids I had started with progress to the stage where they were ready for their garments. There has been such a transformation in them, physically and emotionally. It was so wonderful to see.

I had a huge medical play session on the floor in the bay I worked in today. It may have been more fun for me to watch the reactions of the parents than it was the kids. As the mothers watched their children play and interact with eacth other, their stress turned to sheer joy. They were smiling and laughing right along with the kids. We often realize the positive affects of play on kids, but in this situation the positive effects on the parents were just as powerful. I think it was also good for many of the mothers to realize their kids are still the same kids.


I was feeling pretty good after all the successful interventions of the day. Other than dropping a crib rail on my foot, leaving it bleeding, bruised, and with a nice goose egg, my day had been pretty successful. I began my goodbyes to both the staff and the kids. One of the mothers said, “Shame. Only 2 months” when I told her I was leaving. I heard a lot more “Shames,” as I said my goodbyes. The most difficult goodbye was with the two little friends here from Zimbabwe awaiting surgery for the keloid scars. They greet me every morning with a running hug and their hugs flow abundantly throughout the day. I told them I was going home to America and today would be my last day. They just laughed at me and said, “You’re so funny.” They asked if I was coming back, but I told them no, that this was a forever goodbye. They asked when I was leaving. I said Saturday. One of them said, “So you will come tomorrow.” I explained the next day was a holiday and I would be getting ready to go home. They finally understood (as much as they could at that point) and gave me giant hugs and kisses goodbye. One of them climbed onto my shoulders and wouldn’t let go. I gave them final hugs and said my farewell to them, to the staff, and to the hospital. I cleaned the toys one last time, walked through the pointless metal detector one more time, took the bus home one more time, and let myself cry one more time (okay, so maybe more than once!).

When we got back to the apartment, my friend Tami was preparing to leave for her flight. We all sat around for a while talking and looking at old pictures, remembering our favorite moments together. When it was time to go, we walked her out to her taxi. It finally felt real that this would goodbye. She cried and we cried and she drove way from this adventure.


Saturday, May 2

Today is my last full day in South Africa. I’m not at a point where I can tell you what I’m feeling. That will have to come later. I’m also really tired. I am trying to stay up late tonight to help myself transition back to Central Time. It’s hard. You all are just getting home from work and I’m going insane, I’m so tired. ;) Hopefully I’ll be able to sleep in tomorrow and use the flight home to my advantage. I’ll be home Sunday at noon for those of you wanting to make sure my lawn is mowed and my house clean (hint. hint. ☺)

This morning Jamie, Danielle and I tried to hike Lion’s Head one more time, but it was foggy and started raining by the time we made it half way up. The rocks were pretty slippery, so we headed back down. I spent the rest of the day tying up loose ends and just enjoying my friends here. Caroline is gone for the weekend, so we said our goodbyes over the phone. It’s not quite sinking in yet, perhaps when I get to the airport, or walk on the plane, or maybe off the plane at home…or maybe a few weeks from now.

At any rate, I hope to find the time to truly realize what I’ve experienced here. I hope that I have accomplished what God had for me to do here. I still feel inadequate, but I know that God uses the willing, not always the strong. I pray that the experiences I have had have truly touched the lives of others, and that my life in turn has been changed for the better.

I hope that each of you has come to realize the ability in each of you to impact the world around you, whether you’re in Cape Town, South Africa or Kansas City, Mo, or where ever you may be. I never thought I would be able to do something like this….now I don’t know why I ever waited so long!!

Thanks for walking with me on this journey. God is SO good! His Love is so vast!

I’m signing off from Cape Town.

4 girls, 3 mongoose, 2 craigs and a land rover

AMAZING!!!

That’s pretty much all I can say about this last weekend. I’ve been trying to decide how I can capture everything from the past 3 days into one little blog entry. I have decided that I just can’t. This is the one thing you will have to ask me to tell you about in person. It was definitely one of the best experiences of my life!

Here’s a brief attempt to capture my safari…

Our small propeller plane landed in Hoedspruit, South Africa about 1:30 pm, the last of the 2 flights that day (or any day for that matter). We stepped out of the airplane and walked down the stairs into the wide open field with a small brick building and a runway – known in this town as an airport. The e.mail we had received instructed us to look for the skinny ranger named Craig. We were the last people off the plane, so as we rounded the fence we were pretty confident that the skinny man with no shoes and a giant grin was our ranger! We greeted each other with huge hugs and followed Craig out to his land rover. Craig was the envy of all the other rangers with his 4 American girls carrying all their belongings on their backs. There really wasn’t anything special about us, except that we were under the age of 60. ☺

The ride to the campsite was filled with energy, animal sightings and laughter. Back at camp Craig 1 introduced us to Craig 2, the other ranger at our camp and the 3 pet mongoose. To fully understand our experience on this safari you must have a clear picture of the Craigs. They are completely offensive, politically incorrect men who’ve been living in the African bush without electricity or any modern amenities for years. They smoke a pack of cigarettes a day and drink rum like it’s water. But you couldn’t help but love them! They’re also brilliant and the best safari guides we could ever ask for. Craig 1 used to be the top dog in conservation in South Africa – i.e. head of whatever they call the environmental department in SA. We fell in love with them the moment we met them. They took such good care of us and taught us so much in our short time with them.

The camp was centered around the fire pit and kitchen. The pit was where all our meals were made and also served as our gathering place for long evening discussions and entertainment. The path behind the kitchen led to the 2 outdoor bathrooms, fully equipped with flushing toilets, running water, and showers. The walls were made of reeds, with no roof and a beautiful view of the African wild. We stayed in raised chalets with 2 beds a piece. It was absolutely perfect.

We went on our first game drive a few hours after we’d gotten to camp. Craig 2 was our leader and introduced us to giraffes, zebra, kudu, elephants and rhinos. We were so excited. At first we couldn’t help but squeal, but we soon learned to contain ourselves, so as to no frighten the animals. Craig had so much information to share about the animals, the wild life, and the way it all worked together to sustain life in this place. I couldn’t help but stare in wonder at the beauty of God’s creation. He is so creative!!

That night we gathered for steak cooked over the fire and a late night of conversation ranging from politics and religion, to bad jokes and funny stories. We heard the leopards as we headed off to bed that night. The stars were absolutely amazing. There was no moon, so the stars were the only thing lighting the sky. We learned how to find south based off the Southern Cross. It was such a perfect day and night.

I don’t have time to go in to as much detail as I would like, but the next day we went on 2 game drives - that is after we pushed the land rover to get it started (think "little miss sunshine"). We saw tons of giraffe and zebra, warthogs, and other animals. We never did see any of the cats, but we did hear a momma lion calling for her cubs and lion’s at night. Every game drive we went on included a stop for tea and snacks. When we stopped for our evening tea, we sat in a field watching the impala play and the sun set over the mountains. As were looking at the vast stars, we saw a meteor with a huge tail streak across the sky. It was such a perfect moment. We didn’t get to see all the big 5, but we wouldn’t have exchanged the moments we had on this trip for anything.

We went on a final drive the morning we left and then packed our bags and headed back to airport. We considered trying to miss our plane so we could spend more time in the wild, but we had to get back to work. We gave our final goodbye hugs and passed through security – which was a couple ladies opening one of our 2 bags (it’s harder to get in to a Royal’s game). As we boarded the plane we each shed a couple tears, sad to be ending our adventure.

I really hope the goodbye to Paradise Camp and the 2 Craigs will not be a forever goodbye. This safari was the first time I truly felt like I was in Africa. It was the Africa I came here to see and I had a very hard time walking away from it. It was the Africa that gave me a greater understanding of just how big my God is. It was the Africa that some day I hope to return to. I felt more safe the last 3 days, living in the wild with the animals than I have the whole time I’ve been in Cape Town. I can't explain everything that went in to the emotions of leaving on that plane. I think it had to do with an understanding that I would soon be leaving the Africa I am learning so much to love. As I was pondering these feelings of sadness and not wanting to leave Africa, I opened my journal. The passage Caroline had written for the day stated -

Trust - in His timing
Rely - on His promises
Wait - on His answers
Believe - in His miracles
Rejoice - in His goodness
Relax - in His presence

Perfect council for me in that moment. God's plan is far greater than any I can imagine. So, I will trust in Him.

I’ve just read back over this blog and have so much more to share for you to truly understand how awesome that adventure was, but I don’t have time and will have to just offer what I’ve written…and promise to tell you more when I get home.

We’re planning on coming back for a 21 day traveling safari with the Craigs some day. You’ll have to join! ☺

also...

just wanted to let you know that my friend jamie is also keeping a blog of her time here, so if you want to hear her perspective on the trip, check it out at jamie-day.blogspot.com.

also. some of you were telling me you wanted to comment, but couldn't. i changed some of my settings and you should be able to comment now. so do. it makes me happy. :)

the first of the lasts

Today was my last Friday at the hospital…and thus begins the lasts. I’m not quite ready for all the lasts, but they’re coming regardless, so I will embrace them and enjoy them. Today was definitely a cherished day.

The ward was extremely slow today, most of the kids having had their wound checks yesterday and only a couple scheduled for theatre. I spent a large part of my day with Wednesday. His good friend had gone to theatre, so he was left without a playmate and needing some major attention. We pretended like cricket pitchers (I don’t even know if that’s the right terminology) and threw the ball back and forth down the hallway. He wore me out just watching all his energy buzzing around the unit. Sunday thrives on love. I can’t tell you how many sticky hugs and snotty kisses I received from him today. He was upset when his friend came back from surgery crying, so we spent some time just sitting together blowing bubbles. He was very sad to see us leave today, but I assured him we would be back to play next week.

For part of my playtime with Wednesday I was holding Bona (I wish I could write his real name on here because I love to say it!). He was so playful and would mimic everything that Wednesday did. It has been so great to watch how far Bona has come under Danielle’s care. He used to be a baby who just lay in his bed and watched the world pass by. But now he is so engaged and interactive. He sits up and plays and giggles and talks and mimics. It has been so great to see.

Joe and Missy came back today for physio. They looked so great! They were shy at first, but soon warmed up and I got my fair share of hugs and kisses. I was really glad to have such an uneventful day so I could spend some quality time playing and saying goodbye to them. I tried to tell Joe that I would be going home to America next week, so this was our forever goodbye. I don’t really think he got what I was saying, though. He repeated America and home and smiled really big. He did give me a big hug, though. It has been so amazing to watch him heal – physically and emotionally – during his time here. He was with me from the day I got here and has come such a long way. He used to be so withdrawn and scared. Now he is confident and full of life. It has been such an amazing transition to watch.

I also spent quite a bit of time with Lindy. She is a the little girl who had one of her legs amputated due to meningitis. She has such a sweet spirit and is always smiling and waving when we walk by. Caroline has been doing a lot of work with her and will actually be using Lindy and another girl, who had her legs amputated due to the same disease, for her case study to present to the hospital trust. The other little girl was never prepared for her amputation prior to surgery. She went in not knowing what was happening and came out with both her legs gone. Needless to say, the majority of interventions with her were centered on damage control. It’s difficult to help a little girl trust again when something like that has happened. I can only guess what she was imagining was going to happen each time she went in for surgery. Lindy on the other hand benefited from a great prep session with Caroline. They used a blank cloth doll and, with the help of a translator, performed surgery to remove the doll’s leg. Lindy was not happy with this thought (understandably so), but Caroline explained the need for her “really bad sick” leg to be removed and Lindy eventually came to understand. She has coped remarkably well since the surgery. Her story is such a contrast compared to the other little girl. There’s no doubt that Lindy will continue to encounter challenges and obstacles, but she is in the process of developing the coping skills she has gained to face those challenges as they come. It is great to see.

Tomorrow I leave for my safari in Kruger National Park, so I won’t be back on the blog until Monday night or Tuesday. Craig – the self described skinny ranger – will be waiting at the airport tomorrow to take us on our adventure. If we don’t come back, try checking with the lions! Have a great weekend! It’s your last one without me! ☺

walk in love

This morning before going to work I read Ephesians 5:2, which says, “Walk in love.” A few verses later, Ephesians 5:8 says “walk as children of light.” I decided to center my day on these two verses and focus on walking in love and light.

Today’s little revelation: you never know how someone will respond to you or your actions, or what little thing you do will make a difference in someone’s life. But as we walk in love and light, we can be assured that lives will be touched by the spirit we bring.

It’s always interesting to walk on the ward after a weekend or a holiday. Faces brighten up and begin smiling as soon as the Child Life team walks on the floor – light. One little boy saw me from the end of the hallway and set out in a dead sprint straight into my arms. He clung on to me in an amazing hug. I finally pulled away and saw that his eyes were watery. I asked what was wrong, but he just hugged me. I had spent a bit of time with this little boy and his friend on Tuesday. To me it just seemed like normal every day interventions. We played and laughed. I tried to set boundaries. They tried to push limits. There wasn’t really anything out of the ordinary. His perception of what we shared, however, was obviously much greater. The little 7-year-old boy doesn’t have any family and has come to the hospital to await surgery to remove some of the keloid scars that have formed all over his body. The small amount of love and attention I was able to share with him obviously had a much bigger effect than I ever thought it would.

After my hug session was over, I went to see why there was crying coming from the bay I had been assigned to. Mo, a 6-year-old boy I’ve been working with, was sitting in his bed, staring out his window and crying. Mo has been pretty traumatized by his experience here in the hospital. Only within the last few days has he begun to open up, laugh and play. His mother, however, is usually with him and I noticed she wasn’t around this morning. One of the sisters got Mo down from his bed and took him into the hall. I think she was trying to get him to stop crying, but it didn’t help. I followed them out and took Mo with me. He wanted to go to the end of the hall to the doors that exited off the ward. I held him up so he could look out the windows and watch for his mother. I kept reminding him that his Mother would be back, that she had only left briefly. He began to calm. I walked him back to his room and held him on my lap until his mom returned. I wasn’t really sure what Mo thought of me helping him this morning. At first he was very resistant to my attention and he never completely appeared to feel comfortable. But later today, he finished a game I had given him to play and followed me out to the hall to give it to me. His mother told me that he wanted to be sure to return it to me himself. It was a small gesture, but I took it as a symbol of the trusting relationship we have built. I was talking to some of the mothers later that day and informed them than next week would be my last week at the hospital. Mo’s mom said, “You will be missed. You are nice for the children.” Simple words, yet to me they were precious. Up until this point, I had never been sure how Mo and his mother felt about my interventions. I really didn’t think what I had been doing was making much of a difference. But as we walk in love and in light we are able to impact lives far greater than we ever imagined.

A little (I should say big) baby in my bay today was tearful when her mother stepped out to take a shower. I walked over to her and placed a block at her feet. She looked at the block and then stared at me. I tried to engage her in play, but she just kept staring at me with this “who are you and why are you not my mom” look on her face. I did everything I could think of, but nothing seemed to amuse her. Rather than scare her, which was what I thought I was doing, I left her alone. As soon as I walked away, she started to cry. I went back to her crib and this time she moved toward me like she wanted to be picked up. I held her on my lap and she rested her head against my shoulder. We played and played until her mom came back. Again my perception had been off, but as I continued to focus on walking in love (no matter what kind of response I felt like I was receiving in return) I could be used in a number of ways to bring comfort. It was a good lesson for me to learn to always walk in love and light – no matter what the response from others.

Harry, a 10-year-old boy, came in over the holiday. His family is not around, so he has been alone during his admission. Older children, even in the US, are often held to much higher expectations by staff. We forget that the hospital environment can be just as frightening to them. I could tell Harry was nervous, but trying to act beyond his years. I followed him and a sister into the treatment room for his dressing change. He was trying so hard to hold it all together, but as soon as the dressing started to be cut away he began to cry. I asked if he wanted to hold my hand and he squeezed it tight. I sat down next to him and let him lay his head against my shoulder. He only speaks Afrikaans, but I reassured him, with some English and a couple Afrikaans words, that he was brave and it was okay for him to cry. After his treatment we went back to his room and played a game of Connect Four. Again, I couldn’t really tell how deeply we were connecting – sometimes the older kids take a while longer to build that trusting relationship. Between games, I prepped Harry for theatre. He nodded that he understood, but I could tell he was worried. The porter came to pick Harry up. I walked him to the trolley. He looked up at me and asked, “Will you come with me?” Again, it was such a small request, but it verified that Harry knew my role and had learned to trust me as a support system. My role with him in theatre was very minimal. We tried to talk, but our languages were too different. I basically just held his hand and spoke with an assuring voice as he received the anesthesia and drifted off.

I think my experiment to walk in love and light today really worked. Even in those times I didn’t feel like I was making an impact, that attempt to walk out love in all situations proved effective as kids and families responded in positive ways. What a great day!